Something just snapped

Photo by Martin Damboldt on
This, an historical story
Bits of which, might ring a bell
Of a well famous engineer feller
Called Isambard Kingdom Brunel.

As a child he were awfully clever
By the time this young lad had reached eight
Given tough geometrical problems
The answers he'd soon calculate.

He drove his mum barmy at mealtimes
By sculpting his mash into ships
Tunnelling through his potatoes
Or building a bridge wi' his chips.

Izzy clearly was showing potential
But 'is parents left nothing to chance
For exceptionally good qualifications
He were sent to a Uni' in France.

For his first job he worked wi' his father
Ambitious their mission and aims
Folk commented,"This can't be done
Tunnellin' through 'mud under 'Thames."

"Something just snapped,"foreman shouted
Dirty water came flooderin' in
Leaving many poor kids wi' no parents
And mothers wi' no next of kin.

It took them a couple of weeks like
To clear up the mess wi' some mops
Then Izz took a look at the problem
Said 'workers,"Lad's brain nivver stops."

'Fuffle valve in the wotsit 'ad jammed
Causing 'shank shaft on 'giggler to shake
Which led to a build up of pressure
And the thingummy bobby to break.

Izzy soon 'ad the thingummy mended
By binding it up wi' duct tape
WD40 was sprayed on the giggler
And everything functioned ship-shape.

Next job were the Great Western Railway
From London right through to welsh Wales
Something's just snapped said 'same foreman
As carriages slid from their rails.

This time it were 'multiplicator
On 'camshaft 'ad had too much choke
Bending 'needle in 'oojamaflip thing
Meaning 'silly mid-on rod 'ad broke.

Izzy sorted the problem right sharpish
Getting hands and face covered in grime
Though long before great British Railways
His engines were seldom on time.

Clever Izzy designed several projects
At a work rate that could not be capped
And always wi' duct tape kept 'andy
As precaution, least something else snapped.

When his ship the Great Britain were finished
He became a celebrity star
Sporting dirty great mutton chop sideburns
And a big fat Havana cigar.

Izzy'd taken to carrying a knapsack
To keep all his bits an' his bobs
Screwdrivers an' spanners an' duct tape
An emergency repair kit for knobs.

Izzy's photo were always in 'papers
Not Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram
His missus did not like the coverage
"That bag makes you look like your mam."

"I've made you a titfer," she told him
"You resemble an aristocrat."
Mr Brunel were 'ighly delighted
"Now that's what I call a top 'at."

The chapeau were all he could wish for
No need any more, for his sack
He could fill it with all sorts of gubbin's
And still 'ave some room for a snack.

So, wi' Clifton Bridge under construction
When something just snapped once again
He'd fish in the 'at for the answer
This Brit with his ginormous brain.

Then, when the problem were sorted
He'd dig in his 'at, as you do
Bring out a pork pie, or a sarnie
And an 'ot flask of strong Yorkshire brew.

8 Comments on “Something just snapped

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