Best holiday ever We should never have chosen off peak It was raining, the car sprang a leak David squashed granny's best hat Baby Alfie was sick on the cat. On the moors, dad ran over a ram An hour later, we're stuck in a jam We got there too late for the ferry Mum found the bar and got merry. We arrived there to find we'd left gran At the caff, with a man from Japan Our five star was under construct And all of the rooms double booked. The bathroom and toilet were dirty The waiters and waitresses shirty My purse and my handbag got nicked And our sightseeing coaches were bricked. The food gave young Lucy the trots And Christopher broke out in spots German measles, our french doctor said And confined him to ten days in bed. Paragliding, my mum sprained her back Sadly, dad had a mild heart attack We learned from a broker named Khalid Our insurance was no longer valid. Going home, despite begging and pleading Dad got a ticket for speeding When the copper told dad he could start Our tyres were as flat as a fart. Once home, track-traced for Covid 19 So then, yes you've guessed, quarantine And because we are now isolating This vacation gets zero star rating.