Hobbo's Poems
A quirky look at life from a Yorkshire poet and his dog's perspective
Dauphy saves the day!
This is in response to a couple of requests. One was from Chelsea in the US of A, for more tall tales, and the other from Ingrid in Slovenia, for more Yorkshire stuff. Hope you enjoy it. We are more than happy to do other requests!
Dauphy saves the day! Our Queen, is a popular lady Who lives, in a glamorous 'ouse But, before she become rich an' famous Poor girl were as shy as a mouse. Mam sent 'er to stay up in Yorksher Where there's loads of sound people to meet And English is spoke like it should be So, 'princess could learn to talk reet. Tha' might think, am pulling tha' leg like But am telling thee, this as a fact Yes, I know now, she gen'lly talks posh For the public, but that's all an act. Moving on now, she's stuck in t'old palace Locked down, at Buck House, in tier ten The jigsaws had got a tad tedious And they'd run out of bog roll,again. So, 'butler were sent for provisions T'instructions, precise and specific Get 'soft stuff, not crappy old Izal What slides round yer bum, it's horrific. This, being the middle of Winter T'old butler pulled on 'is warm wellies And as he were passing 'er windder She shouted out, get me some smellies. It were at the main gate he 'it 'problem The lock were froze solid, wun't shift Butler scratched 'ead, stood there ditherin' Cos he new Liz'd give 'im short shrift. Luckily, passing that day Were Hobbo and Dauphy, out walking 'Ow can I 'elp thee, asked Dauphy 'Pon my life! Is that Yorksher yer talkin'? I can't budge yon gate, moaned the butler 'Lock on it's solid, it's froze I've got an idea said Dauphy Which I'll tell thee, in rhyme not in prose. See, as look for some grass around 'ere pal Well, a' mun as well search for a ghost And the council are such flippin' cheapskates That I've given up 'ope of a post. Consequently, I am a bustin' And it's too short to tie in a knot If I pee on yon lock, I've a notion Our problems are solved, like as not. 'Butler took up the suggestion So that man and beast both had relief 'Servant went off, and did 'shopping Brought pies back, two pork and one beef. 'Course the Queen, she were ovver the moon She'd 'ad to be wipin' wi' Times 'Mail might 'ave been more appropriate But 'Queen wiped wi' this, cos it rhymes. Hobbo love, this dog's an 'ero That Dauphy's looked after us right Next time it's me birthday, I'll dub thee In other words,make thee a knight. Dauphy...Canine British Empire E'en corgis don't get C.B.E Dauphy, a little ungrateful Says, Queen love, it's near time for tea. So everyone 'ad a reet slap up Dauphy 'ad well earned 'is snooze 'Butler cracked gin bottle open Sir Hobbo and 'Queen went on 'booze. reet; right tha'; you, your Izal; a shiny brand of toilet paper windder; window wun't; wouldn't smellies; perfumed products a' mun: I might
Hobbo's Poems 
Please stand on one leg and suck your thumb.
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Dauphy is struggling!
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okay, reach down and lick your bits. Bet she can do that!
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Oh, HE can do that very easily!
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Oh, I *thought* he was a boy, but I’m sure I saw somebody’s comment referring to “her”.
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😂Ingrid made the same error, that’s probably where you’ve seen it. Don’t worry, I won’t tell him. He’s a bit touchy about the subject since he had the snip!
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😂 LOL excellent they should make you Yorksher Laureate!
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Ooh Yorksher Lorry ‘at. We’d love that. The winner would probably be awarded Freedom of the borough of Heckmondwike and a gallon of Tetley’s bitter!
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What more couldst’ tha want?
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Nowt!
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Izal and smellies had ‘me stumped, I far’d well with the rest. 😂
I guess if you read enough books, you might learn a thing or two.
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Well done. If you have never had to deal with the perils of Izal, you are lucky!
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I read it’s shiny and slick 🤣
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That’s the one! Yuck!
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a rollicking good tale told tallishly in dialect 🙂
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😂 Thank you. And every word of it, the gospel truth!🙂
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Love it! I especially like the jab at the papers and your clever excuse for the easier rhyme: ‘Course the Queen, she were ovver the moon
She’d ‘ad to be wipin’ wi’ Times
‘Mail might ‘ave been more appropriate
But ‘Queen wiped wi’ this, cos it rhymes.
Is a ‘reet slap up’ a drink? In my book I say Miss Livingstone takes a ‘slap of brandy,’ so guessing??
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Thank you!
‘Reet slap up’ in Yorkshire means
‘right slap up meal’,
in other words
a really good, sit down type meal
generally at a posh restaurant.
A good slap up would include copious drinks, so your guess was certainly on the right lines.
I should include this on the post! 😂
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As you can tell I love colloquial phrases and word origins. Since I moved to different regions as a child I noticed and became fond of the unique expressions communities invented. And I was one of those kids who always asked, “why?” “Why?” “Why?” My poor mum!
Thanks for answering my comment. 🙂
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No problem Anyone with an interest in writing should have a healthy interest in words and their origins,
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One would hope. 🙂
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A reet good read this!! 😁😁🖤
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Cheers cocker!
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No problem love! 👍😉🖤
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Epic tale! Love it!
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🤣 Thanks Vinny, I had forgotten about this one!
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