A Yorksher Rant

Dauphy: Are you entering Chelsea Owen’s poetry challenge this month?

Hobbo: No, I don’t think so.

Dauphy: Why not.

Hobbo: I can’t get a handle on the subject.

Dauphy: What is it?

Hobbo: You have to write a rant. I haven’t got a rant in my body!

Dauphy: Psht!

Hobbo: What do you mean, psht?

Dauphy: You’re a Yorkshireman aren’t you? Ranting is as natural as breathing.

Hobbo: Thanks Dauphy. I’m not sure I agree with that, but you’ve given me a great idea.

Dauphy: De rien!

A Yorksher Rant

Tha' mun think that, am med o'brass
Well, shove it up yer Khyber Pass
Fifty bob fer chips wi' scraps
I dunt pay that fer good flat caps!

Tha' thieving sod, tha'll rob me blind
'all take me stick, 'ave 'alf a mind
To stick it where the sun don't shine
Tha' robbin' git, tha' greedy swine.

I'm an O.A.P tha' knows
I wotchit, where me money goes
So, tha' can keep thee chips, instead
'all mek do wi' some drippin' bread.

You may think that I have lots of money
Well, you can put that money in your bottom
Β£2.50 for french fries with trimmings
It costs me less for decent headgear.

You are a thief who is prepared to scam me
I am inclined to take my walking cane
And put it in a painful place
you robbing villain, you greedy scoundrel.

You know I'm an old age pensioner
And I have to be prudent with money
So you keep your chips for yourself, whilst I
Will have some bread spread liberally with pork fat.

24 Comments on “A Yorksher Rant

  1. Awesome! I do love the “Yorksher” ones! They remind me a little of one of the characters in Wuthering Heights… I can’t think of his name. But, when I had to read it in high school, I always had to read his bits out loud and then I understood what he was saying. Even if he was being the grumpiest of grumpies it always made me smile to twist my tongue into a brogue that is unnatural for me. And to understand it.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Joseph yes – even I struggled with his dialect! And I’m 100 percent Northern (I took the test). Another fine poem, Hobbo! πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Okay dang I almost didnt need the translation until the last bits. Bacon fat on bread, my Dad used to love it on rye bread. This rant made me laugh! You gotta love older people.

    Liked by 1 person

      • πŸ˜‚ I am impressed that you’ve tried it! Well done! You’re right though, it’s not very good for the old ticker!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Pingback: WINNER of the A Mused Poetry Contest 2/6/2021 | Chel Owens

    • These entries were laugh out loud funny. Enjoyed reading them all, and again a good choice of winner!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚


  5. More! More! I laughed aloud that you included a translation. πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ (Also, Hobbo, I think you need to copy and paste a different link when you post. I had a lot of trouble digging to find this.)

    Liked by 1 person

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