A cautionary tale

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A cautionary tale

In Yorksher they had 'reffy rendrum
About whither to go it alone
And since most of 'tykes, were all forrit
The republic of Yorksher were born.

First job, it were finding a boss type
Nessy tated all 'ands to the pump
They scoured the cobbles of Bradford
To find billionairess, Donna Crump.

The slogan,'Mek Yorksher great ag'in
Was summat they an't 'eard in years
And the prospect of more dry stone walling
'Ad grown men, crying into their beers.

On 'first day, she signed loads of papers
Twelve before going to bed
Some of it really important
And some, what she even 'ad read.

At first it were all hunky dory
She built up considerable funds
By scrapping the decimal system
And printing their own Yorksher punds.

Soon, some were beginning to doubt her
Too big fer 'er boots, too offhand
To establish 'erself as 'world leader
She shook, Mayor of Lancashire's 'and.

About twelve months 'afore re-election
The Black Pudding Plague swept the Dales
But Donna were sniffy about it
Said it only killed people from Wales.

Her supporters were told not to worry
And Donna refused to wear 'mask
Sadly, thousands who listened to 'lady
Were carted away in a casque.

Her four years in office passed quickly
What with eatin' tinned peaches and such
When they put an old man up ag'in her
Well, Donna thought that a bit much.

The vote were about fifty-fifty
Wi' towns going one way, then t'other
When it looked like t'old feller 'ad edged it
Crump 'ad to ring up 'er big brother.

Find me a shed load of voters
Don't care who, don't care how
And as for the votes fer the old bloke
Well they shouldn't count anyhow.

The countin' dragged on fer a month
T'old feller were given a win
But Crump were as stubborn as pigshit
Dug 'er heels in, and wouldn't give in.

Crump supporters, invaded the town 'all
Wi' a noise fit to wekken the queen up
They med such a mess wi' their boots on
It took 'em all weekend, to clean up.

Eventually, sense were restored though
And Yorksher came back into 'fold
As a warning to future republics
Is this little parody told.

11 Comments on “A cautionary tale

  1. Epic in proportions and message. Entertainment value off the scale too. No keyboard damage to report, as there was an underlying bit of “strikes to home, eh?” to be dealt with. You need now a relax and a nice cuppa.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I had a feeling that this might appeal to your sense of humour and general outlook on life. Glad it didn’t disappoint, and more importantly, that your keyboard is safe.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hobbo for Yorkshire Laureate! πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ» πŸ†
    And the prospect of more dry stone walling
    ‘Ad grown men, crying into their beers. – genius!
    I have found a Cumbrian poem which I will attempt to translate in a future post…

    Liked by 2 people

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