A bit of a fuss

Hobbo: I’ve got another Yorkshire Tale for you this morning.

Dauphy: That’s good, I like them.

Hobbo: Your Yorksher is coming on a treat Dauphy.

Dauphy: I practice tha’ knows. It’s not easy wi’ a French accent.

Hobbo: I’ll buy thee a flat cap. That’ll ‘elp.

Dauphy: Pfft!

A bit of a fuss 

A Yorksher mill town name of Keighley, 
That's where this little story begins 
With a young shop assistant called Susan 
Full name 'at is, Sue Anne Provvins. 

She couldn't keep up wi' the ding rate 
When they put the poor lassy on 'tills, 
Sideways, she moved on to the butchers, 
To better 'er choppin' up skills. 

There, she mixed tripe wi' black puddin' 
In a way that were less than desirous. 
Before you could say 'Billy No-Mates' 
Sue Anne was the source of a virus. 

At first it were swept under 'carpet 
Her bosses were in-cred-you-luss, 
When folks started dropping like nine pins, 
Well, it started a bit of a fuss. 

'Train through to Leeds were soon cancelled, 
Some said, "Stop, tha's goin' too far, 
'Ow can I go and see me old granny, 
It's alright for thee, tha's a car". 

The newshounds got ho'd of the story, 
And people were dying in lumps. 
Said Barnaby Bumble, a spokesman, 
"It's worse than when Johnny 'ad 'mumps".

 It quickly spread, all ovver Yorksher, 
Chaps took to a coverin' their face. 
In an effort to find who 'ad gorrit,
 They wrote a new app, 'Back to Base'. 

The old, and the poorly were shielded, 
By lockin' them into their 'ouses. 
Being stoic, because of the war years, 
They stayed there as quiet as mouses. 

The Mayoress of Yorksher were summoned, 
She divided us all into tiers, 
Some as could do as they wanted, 
And some as were kicked up their rears.

 Brains, working all sorts of 'ours, 
Were tryin' to come up wi' a cure, 
Then early one morning, Eureka! 
At nigh on a quarter to four. 

The guinea pigs they 'ad been feedin' 
To see what would live and would die, 
Had e'ten a mixture of gubbins 
But one, a survivor, ate pie. 

Strict trials were started, immediate 
To find which were 'best pie to eat. 
The one causing least complications, 
Were found to be taty and meat. 

Fact'ries ramped up their production, 
And taties were killed by the score, 
Five 'undred a week they were makin' 
But they guessed they were gonna need more. 

Now Yorksher, it does 'ave its skeptics 
Some, very 'ard to convince, 
Many preferred eatin' pasties, 
And some said, they'd sooner 'ave mince. 

So, a Positive Pie Eating programme, 
Which media 'ad dubbed P.P.E, 
Was rolled out, right ovver Yorksher 
And now, they are Sue Virus free.

24 Comments on “A bit of a fuss

  1. I enjoyed this one out loud and just having a laugh at the Sue Virus and the meat pie that did the trick. Favourite bit, the public programme to promote pie. Well done, Hobbo…for posting Dauphy’s brilliant work.

    Liked by 1 person

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