The Cleggs met at a works Christmas party,
For each one, their very first crush,
Now married for thirty-odd years,
After six livin' ovver the brush.
Two fine strappin' lads they'd been blessed wi'
Who'd each flit the nest one be one,
First, Burnley, to feed 'pie addiction,
And t'other, Australia, for sun.
Their house were becoming too large now,
Enough space for soldiers to billet,
But lodgers named Eric and Ernie,
Their black Labradors, helped to fill it.
Dog's lives, are shorter than people's,
And 'ousehold became 'umanized,
With two on 'em rattlin' around it,
A decision were made to downsize.
Mr Clegg says,"We need summat smaller,
Where 'roof on it sits nice an' low,"
Mrs Clegg says,"Ee, tha's a duck egg,
I think as tha' means bungalow.!
The missus were 'brains of the couple,
Says,"We need a reet good stratagem,"
So, she got on the phone to an agent,
Who took lots of nice pics of their gem.
They started to think through their options,
An apartment - that's posh talk for flat,
But they 'ad things called maintenance charges,
And the savvy Cleggs didn't want that.
Gettin' to grips with the interweb,
The Cleggses drew up a short list
Of things wi' a bit of potential,
And some as were too good to miss.
First one they looked at were lovely,
New kitchen, a luxury indeed,
But, wi' no sign of a tub in the bathroom,
No way, were they gonna proceed.
Next 'un they found, what a beauty
Brand new, wi' a smashing big lawn,
Which is when Mr Clegg put his foot down,
"I'd be mowing, from dusk until dawn!"
Desp'rate they carried on looking,
A near miss, caused a bit of a spat,
Mister Clegg thought 'place were perfect,
But missus said,"Tha' couldn't swing a cat."
Month after month they spent searching,
Nothing quite fitting the bill,
And wi' t'other 'ouse 'aving sold quickly,
It were makin' the pair on 'em ill.
Then all of a sudden, they found it,
The retirement 'ome of their dreams,
Which they toasted wi' best Yorhshire bitter,
And a packet of nice custard creams.
For many a long year, they lived there,
'Appy they'd found the right place,
Till they both kicked the bucket together
And died wi' big smiles on their face.