The worst voice in Yorksher

The worst voice in Yorksher

This is a tale about Hobbo, 
As related by Dauphy his pet,
Please don't tell him that I told you
Or he'll have me straight round to the vets.

It 'appened when he were a schoolboy
So, we're talking of fifty plus years,
Folk lived in black and white houses
And nob'dy 'ad heard of craft beers.

Hobbo were still in short trousers,
He can't 'ave been more nor sixteen,
People 'ung on to their clobber,
When you're brassic, it pays to be mean.

Our story takes place in the classroom,
With a teacher too fond of a clip
Round the lug'oles for unruly pupils
And a great 'airy wart on her lip.

A musical test instigated
To see who could sing and who c'un't,
She'd taken a dislike to Hobbo
And he guessed it were nowt but a stunt.

She plonked out some notes on 'pianner,
Said,sing one above, then one down,
Marks out of ten were awarded
And she turned Hobbo's world upside down.

Most of the class got an average
Score around about six,
With our 'ero given a zero
He knew the 'ole thing were a fix.

Tha's got the worst voice in Yorksher
She telled him in front of the class,
Who's laughter drownded him muttering
And tha's just an ugly, fat lass.

For three lengthy months they all practised
Their songs for an upcoming show,
All of 'em with the exception
Of embarrassed 'ero, Hobbo.

Whilst his schoolmates perfected their singing
'Armonising and chiming,
Not so, our tone deaf companion,
Because he were restricted to miming.

Teacher encouraged the others
To mock till they bust into stitches
A bully, an 'orrible lady,
As Hobbo says, one of lifes bitches.

Oh yes, it's a funny old story,
Which in this day, would not be allowed
To happen, it's discrimination
Making people stand out from the crowd.

If Hobbo were telling his version,
He'd say, it were all a big hoot,
And his confidence wasn't affected,
Debatable, that point is moot.

Whatever became of the teacher,
Hobbo claims he doesn't care tuppence
But that woman upset my old pal,
And I 'ope that she got her comeuppance.

12 Comments on “The worst voice in Yorksher

  1. Dauphy, I think you should give your olโ€™ pal a big sloppy kiss. Iโ€™m sure it would be a good leveller. ๐Ÿ˜œ

    Liked by 2 people

  2. It’s be so much easier now that we’re all in masks. Hides her wart, too, the old crone. Some teachers just don’t know when to leave those kids, and adorable doggies, alone. ๐Ÿ˜‚

    Liked by 1 person

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