Rueing the trip to Rouen

Photo by Los Muertos Crew on
Rueing the trip to Rouen

A long time ago, before Brexit,
Hobbo were living in France,
In a gite wi' two dogs and his missus,
Which he'd bought wi' a bit of finance,

The 'ome, not the dogs or his sweetheart,
What needed the help of a loan,
At rates which the Notaire 'ad give him,
Leaving Hobbo, as usual, to moan.

A nice 'oliday's what he wanted,
Les vacances, they say ovver there,
They needed a break from the village
And a nice little bit of sea air.

But 'otels were awf'lly expensive
And Hobbo's a proud Yorksher man,
Needing a grip on 'is purse strings,
He purchased an old camper van.

The van were kilometre-loaded,
Equipped wi' a toilet and such,
But what made it perfect for Hobbo,
The owner 'ad not asked for much.

He cleaned and he polished and waxed it,
Very proud of his first camper van
And credit where due to his missus,
She soon 'ad the wheels spic and span.

We're thinking of driving through Rouen,
He said, to his neighbour one day.
Mais, Rouen est quite complicated
- don't worry, I'll tell you the way.

So Hobbo, with clan, sets off driving,
No need, any thought or reflection,
Confidently following, as told,
The route, clearly marked Toutes Directions.

In Rouen, first sign that he come to,
There was 'appen a bit of a clang,
Then, the next time they saw Toutes Directions
A sort of a scraping and bang.

Rouen has an underground system
Which runs through the heart of La Ville,
Works great if you're driving a car,
But gives camper vans more of a thrill.

Driver and camper pressed on though,
Daft ha'porth were pushing 'is luck,
When they come upon 'fourth bit of 'tunnel,
By 'eck, they were flipping well stuck.

Red-faced, he'd to ring for the gendarmes
To turn out and get the van free,
While 'is dogs on the inside of 'van,
Shook, like the leaves on a tree.

The whole of the camper van roof,
Ripped off, like an old can of beans,
He now 'ad a camper-convertible;
Not quite as posh as it seems.

The gendarmes were gracious to Hobbo,
Anticipating some sort of fine,
But they just give the lad Gallic shrugs
And he give to them some red wine.

So, if you're thinking of driving to Rouen
In anything slightly too high,
Try and avoid all its tunnels
Or you'll look just as stupid as I.

'ovver:  over
wi':  with
'ad:  had
ha'porth: halfpennyworth/idiot

52 Comments on “Rueing the trip to Rouen

  1. Here, a chappy in a truck
    one day tried his luck
    on the only tunnel in town
    what all hit the roof
    sure he felt like a goof
    but the tunnel, it got a new crown

    So you don’t have to go to Rouen for rueing the ruination of your roofery

    Liked by 1 person

  2. We drove around the Canadian Rockies in a camper van years ago. We camped up, I was outside laying the table, Mr M flushed the toilet, and I flew back inside thinking there was a growling bear in the bushes. 😂

    Liked by 2 people

    • 🤣🤣 So funny. We eventually bought a new one and spent many happy years touring Europe before the DIY toilet facilities eventually put us off.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh, what an adventure. The convertible camper, could be a new thing as long as there’s no rain. Thank you for sharing this tale. Now, hope you saw Rouen and not the inside of jail. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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