Father’s day

Father’s day The father’s day gift Which gave him a lift, From his loving and wonderful wife Was as old as the hills, A cure for all ills And proved that the old dog had life.

Things I definitely know about women

Things I definitely know about women The end


Weight-watching Though he followed his diet with rigour, His backside grew bigger and bigger. Whatever he ate He gained enough weight To fill a whole ballpark with figure.

The Penitent Prince

The Penitent Prince I stand in the loud Jubilee crowd, Next to a redhead named Harry, Whose balcony days Are over, he says; Choose wisely the person you marry.

Royal Privates

Royal privates Some disappoint, so very small; They are but human after all. Those on parade, as in the forces, Are rumoured hung like royal horses. Female ones are rarely seen, Particularly, of course, the queen’s. Should you sneak a peak, a waiter Will pounce, denounce you as a traitor. Private viewings need consent, Royal Privates, Royal Assent. Rest assured, when in the showers…

A counting rhyme

A counting rhyme One toe, two toes, Baby’s new potatoes. Three toes, four toes, Scruffy little scarecrows. Five toes, six toes, Pretty pink flamingos. Seven toes, eight toes, Billy-Bob and Marie-Rose. Nine toes, ten toes, Tickle till your nose grows!


Monkey Hairy monkey up a tree Living wild and swinging free, Baring bum for all to see, Cheeky monkey, he he he.


Hangover It’s one of my sillier tricks, Hence the reason I’m getting so pudgy. Whisky and cider don’t mix And I’m sure that I’ve swallowed the budgie.

The graceless swan

The graceless swan Her paddling technique was a doddle; A sort of a water-borne waddle But although her mum loved her to bits, She’d the grace of a bomb in a blitz.


Inclination King or queen, Vicar or tart, We all have to lean When we’re sitting, to fart.