Relax Max

Relax MaxMastication -Constipation -Medication -Fumigation!


ElocutionHe talked through his nose,And sometimes his arse,So the stains on his clothes,Meant his friendships were sparse.


Opinions Opinions divide us, polarise people. To raise any topic contentious or otherwise is to divide opinion. Those for, those against. Opinion though, raises our awareness, makes us think, outside the box, beyond the envelope, through the blue sky. It makes us human, in my opinion.

The emperor’s new clothes

The emperor’s new clothesThe emperor was sorely vexed,When all the clothes he’d bought from NextWere poorly made, in fact, see through,And subjects saw his didgeridoo.

A relaxing trip

A relaxing trip His wife said she needed a spa, So he drove her to one, in the car. What a love, what a dear, But her smiles turned to tears, When he pulled up outside of the Spar. Spar: A UK convenience store chain

Foreign Languages

Foreign Languages Baa Lambs and Moo-cows Gee-gees and Bow-wows, Brum-brums and Poo-poos, Quack-quacks and Choo-choos. Bon-bons and Yum-yums. Knick-knacks and Tum-tums, Night-nights and Wee-wees, You’re eighteen! Just talk please!

Medical Advice

Medical AdviceWhen Doc prescribed me exercise,Said, I should take up jogging,My eyes dilated with surprise,i thought that he’d said, dogging!My missus said, he’d gone too farAnd called the man, a queer stick.Last time we did it in my car,Played havoc with my gear stick!

Brain Food

Brain Food Alphabetti Spaghetti in your bowels make vowels!

The gas man’s here!

The gas man’s here!Gas fitter Dan,Put a fire in for Anne,One of his favourite nieces.The pipe sprung a leak,Blew them into next weekAnd now they’re both Resting in Pieces.

What was that?

What was that?Ashes to ashesDust to dust,Life passes us byWhilst we’re earning our crust.