Hobbo's Poems
A quirky look at life from a Yorkshire poet and his dog's perspective
Lifestyle
Read them their rights RIGHTS for Ethnic minorities Single Parents Ordinary people Needy Sisters Indicted prisoners Black people Indigenous populations LGBT community Itinerant people Travellers YES ...hell, yes. Absolutely yes, but there is another side to this...
A poetical movement Six sonnets sail the seas A rondeau rows the ocean The limerick rarely sees Such poetry in motion.
Long John Baldry Let the heartaches begin Long, his talents have flown He played for The Beatles And sang with The Stones. Christened John Willy We need not harp on No need of a wordsmith To make this Long John.
The football match My debut for the 'dads v lads' The shortest you could see Substituted me, the cads Straight after 'take the knee'.
Playing Games It's only three letters, guess it, you're good. Got it in one! The answer is bud! Almost correct! 'B' gets you a nod. So, if I was real close...do you mean bod? The 'D's' also right, you go wrong in the mid. This is too easy, you're thinking of bid. Ever so warm now. Driving you mad? Nope, I think I've got it. The word must be bad. 'B' something 'D', it's all in your head! Ah, now I've sussed it. You want me in bed!
Adios Amigo, Au Revoir Mon Ami! Yesterday, Trump was a president A tweeting, unbeaten sweetheart, in White House, no longer a resident Trump's now a windy old fart.
Oppressor to Ornament When Germany East was abolished The wall in Berlin got demolished With shovel and pick Large chunks of brick Were taken home proudly, and polished.
A biblical story The Sam Harrington in the bible He came from a family tribal So when 'Daily Flood Said that he was no good Sam sued them for thousands in libel.
The Splits Should I be going boldly or do I boldly go? Splitting my infinitive could be a fatal blow. It's difficult to truly write with realism when my native tongue is tied lashed down by dogmatism.
Jacques Cousteau His groin got caught on the wreck Jacques, one of life's survivors Was freed from off the wreck By using four skin divers.
Tykes Talking Gerrit canyer? Weir? Sin tin. Tint. Tis. Tin tin tin. Tis! Tint! Tis, sithee. Reet. Clart he'ud!
If, at first... This was his tenth driving test Don hit a bin wagon, head on Although docs at the scene did their best God got to say, "You've passed Don."
Beelzebub Spare a small thought for the devil if Satan. should land in a hole The guy might not be, on the level But think, how could he, sell his soul?
It was a wrench! The wrench it sticks when it's not clean so polish it until it gleams!
Let's twist again Surely surly Shirley's sorely sorry smelly Shelly's shameless Sunday sherries should've somehow simply soured!
Once upon a time There was a crook-ed man And he ran a crook-ed house And they all lived together In America's White House.
Selfless or shelf-less? Look at those fools, panic buying It's an absolute bloody disgrace Not like me, I'm not selfish Better double up though, just in case
Boredom Life in the lockdown is boring. Wouldn't it be good to go out. Dictionary pages I'm reading. Already I've learned next to nowt.
Ode to a bogey A wonderful thing is a bogey Ask any male child, if you've doubts He'll tell you, they're ever so tasty and much better for you than sprouts.
Out of place She was too antidisestablishmentarianistic for Llanfairpwillgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.
Be careful what you say 'That's cute', was a saying of his For everything, loud voice, not muted Until one fatal day he did this It wasn't his wife but his ex 'e cuted.
Little Miss Muffet (by Dauphy) Little Miss Muffet Sat on her buffet Eating her pie and peas Too hot for her knees They fell on the floor And little Miss Muffet Said,"Stuff it."
Read the label The label, she carefully read Grand Cru, on her bottle of red Lay down for a little, it said So she drank it, then snoozed on the bed.
Scotland the brave If I spoke Scottish That would be good More words would rhyme I'd be in a good mood
Superwoman Simple Simon said I'll teach you to fly Jumped from twelve storeys high And now he is dead.
Dauphy: I’ve written a poem for the end of the year.
Hobbo; That’s great. What’s it about?
Dauphy; It’s been a pretty awful year for most people, so I’ve written about the meaning of life.
Hobbo: Wow Dauphy! That’s a huge subject. Let’s hear it.
The meaning of life (by Dauphy) If the Hokey Cokey Is what it's all about Then throw me in the chokey And do not let me out. chokey: UK slang for prison.
Dauphy: What do you think?
Hobbo: I’m impressed Dauphy. Very deep. Really meaningful.
Dauphy: Honest?
Hobbo: Always…
Visa, the master of cards American Expressly wished To PayPal cash for postal order Derek Debit, to his credit Preferred to pay by standing order.
Short lived joy Cruising for a nice young man he found one Yin meets Yang. Then his joy turned into panic on board the ship they named Titanic.
Trouble ahead It can not be done Said she But he Out for fun Blew away all her doubts And curried the sprouts.
Socks If socks are comfort food for feet do clocks like seconds when they eat?
You are joking! Whilst watching the footy Reclined, with a BLT butty Heard a joke that was smutty About a plumber and putty. BLT: Bacon, lettuce and tomato a popular sandwich in the UK
Blame It's my fault I wind him up. It's my fault He was drunk. It's my fault He loves me really. It's my fault He didn't mean to hurt me. It's my fault His tea should have been ready. It's my fault He doesn't like these clothes. It's my fault He is really sorry. It's my fault See, he's brought me flowers. It's my fault He won't do it again. He's promised me It's my fault.
A modern miracle Love is blind Affects the brain Though marriage Restores sight again.
Memories are made of this He sat in the bedroom Scratching his head Am I getting up Or going to bed?
The generous bigamist I plighted my troth This was bigamy Bought presents for both That was big o' me.
The generation gap New hearing aids fitted today My grandson is very impressed They work on Bluetooth technology Whatever that means, they're the best.
Dauphy: So, are you part of the hearing aid generation now then?
Hobbo: Well, personally, I see myself more as a Bluetooth kinda guy.
Dauphy: Pffft!
A good night's sleep It slowly dawns on you that you may have drunk a smidgen too much last night when you can't get comfortable in bed and your wife wakes you to ask why you are rolling around on the floor inside the Ali Baba laundry basket.
Arise Sir Loin His several chins wobbled But he put up no fight When the noble got nobbled By a Knight, in the night.
Growing old gracefully Two elderly men playing golf In the snow, in the midst of December "Did you see where my tee shot went mate?" "I did, but I can not remember."
The Lawn That sweet smell of a freshly mown lawn on a summer's day belies the distress call of a million blades of grass butchered in their youth by the murderous blade of the mower for our aesthetic pleasure.
Talking Brexit talks The papers said Not money talks I've been misled.
The Christmas Newsletter So, if by chance you meet And concern is in her voice Our living on the street Is environmental choice Chelsea Owen's challenge was to write an annoying Christmas newsletter
Prayer I don't believe in a God Where we all go to church and pray But say one for me and my squad Insurance does not go astray
The golfer he failed to make the golfing cut When the judges raised the bar Then mum fell in the water-butt So he lost both Ma and Par.
Dollop I do love words like dollop It has a lovely ring Plop, trollop, lollop, wallop They make my soul sing.
Pandemic pandemic tenterhooks vaccine imminent whole world crosses fingers.
The Daily Paradox Undercover reporter sheds light on conspirators conspiring against conspiracy theories.
Grandma Santa was their Christmas treat She'd taken them for years When Archie asked for granddad back She couldn't stop the tears.
Sisters One girl's hair is wavy Which fashion don't permit Hair straighteners, the answer They cost her quite a bit. The sister's though is ramrod straight But she wants wavy hair So she wraps it all in rollers tell me, where's the logic there?
The Church First appearance, One November Cried a bit But don't remember. Second time A lovely sight Never seen her Dressed in white. Last time there The incense curled Couldn't smell it Dead to the world.
Leaving My wife wants me to leave Pack my bags, wants shot Wished misery on me, so Dilemma, do I go or not?
Instant Food Curry in a hurry Soup in a cup Oven chips, instant mash Where will it all end up. In the UK chips are fat french fries
Please You say That you love me But you won't Do that It's not a lot to ask Not all the time Just now and then Would be nice To show that You really do Love me And it's not Just words A little sign of respect That would not Go amiss I'm not asking a lot Am I So please try it for once It won't hurt you The next time Perhaps I'd really appreciate it If You could See your way to Putting the seat down.
A tough life The next time You have the temerity to complain That your steak is tough Try to look at it From the cow's perspective.
Hurley Burley Kay Burley Meets Liz Hurley Nice dress Good press.
Shopping Our shopping trip took longer When he forgot the money If we hadn't lived ten miles away It would have been quite funny.
Free It's alright now Because you see, I'm Free and if you get that pun Then you're as old as me.
Hygiene His teeth scrubbed with a bog brush Which Dave claimed stopped decay Had turned his teeth bright orange And kept the girls away.
The Firm she needs well oiled machine she gets a well oiled drunk her firm collapses.
Shock One is smaller He hears girlfriend snigger A worrying thought when He thought one was bigger. Snigger; UK slang for titter, giggle
Batman Batman's caught the virus Lost his sense of taste Won't come and get his Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner What a blooming waste.
Granny My gran Was so funny Always made me laugh She would say "Watch her She's a flibbertigibbet. Great word gran! Flibbertigibbet, a frivolous, flighty or excessively talkative person.
Infedelity She dissatisfies He diversifies She tries He falsifies She identifies He denies She spies He solidifies She pries He lies She clarifies He justifies She decries He mortifies She vilifies He pacifies She amplifies He sighs She goodbyes He cries Love dies.
Humpty Dumpty Humpty Dumpty Sat on the fence He had no opinions And no common sense. All of the papers And all of the news Couldn't get Humpty To tell us his views.
Hey Diddle Diddle Hey diddle diddle My dad's on the fiddle And mum's run away with a neighbour I'm in the pink But I'm heading for clink Where my girlfriend, sixteen, is in labour.
Boy The chuckle muscle deep in his belly Is in for a whole load of welly He gives mum a squeeze and a cuddle Wriggles free and jumps straight in a puddle.
The Story Sally's story had won the first prize Though she wasn't particularly clever Mum swelled with some pride and surprise When she heard teacher say, "Best end ever."
Babies When I questioned my mummy How I got in her tummy She said daddy had planted a seed Well that was a hard 'un Cos we have no garden And daddy does nothing but read.
The Tongue My tongue has been... tormenting, tasting, teasing, tickling, tackling tactless, teaching, tawdry, tatty, tubby, tattling twisted, tangled, tigerish, talkative, testy tingling, terse, telling, temperamental, tetchy technicolour, talking, turbo, tragic, tedious tender, taking, talented, taxing, tenacious. trademark, tricky, touching, tongue-tied, tolerant topical, toadying, tart, tardy, turbulent. Maybe I should give it a rest for now!
A Four Letter Word This isn't a word I use much in life If I do, I'm in trouble Most of all with my wife. According to her It's belittling and cheap I admit, among men We use it a heap. It's a four letter word That starts with a 'C' Women don't like it Demeans them you see. The debate rages on It is used all the time But if I dare to say it My life's not worth a dime. So, you know how it starts But those other three I won't spell it out But it ends with a 'T.' And women don't like it But men clearly do For this four letter word I have one final clue. It is spoken the most When out for a shop Husbands open their mouths And partners shout,"Stop." Have you worked it out now I know you're not lost This troublesome word Well, it's quite simply...cost.
Joe Joe used to love tractors but not any more he's an ex tractor fan.
The Unknown Warrior A million fell You were chosen A shortlist of four From the Aisne, the Somme, Arras, Ypres Draped in the flag Of the country you died for You were chosen One cold November morning In a small chapel in St.Pol Brigadier General Wyatt Chose you A kings sword A coffin of solid oak Were chosen Buried at the heart Of an English abbey In French soil Amongst poets and kings You are And will be honoured for centuries to come We salute the sacrifice of you and all the comrades you represent Thank you For your choice For your sacrifice.
Fragile Trust is a fragile flower which once broken must be carefully repaired and can never be fully restored.
Trust Day that we met Best day of my life. Day you broke my trust Cried myself to sleep. Day you came back I couldn't be arsed.
Lunch The flames were prolific The heat was terrific The words from the kitchen profane My nice chicken roast Is burned black as toast Sunday lunch has been ruined again.
Sober A teacher, not known for sobriety Gave her students a taste of variety Her swearing backfired When, improperly attired She was sacked for a lack of propriety.
The Sun I was dazzled by the sun Gazed toward her with defiance For just a shade too long And was blinded by the science.
Politics aloof, arrogant posturing, proposing, persuading president, challenger, ballot-box, voters dithering, deliberating, deciding unheeded, uncounted electorate.
Grooming I snipped a hair from out my ear A full three inches long From where on earth did that appear I'm getting like King Kong.
Games It used to be Cops and robbers Cowboys and Indians Japs and Commandos. Now it's all Minecraft The Legend of Zelda And Grand Theft Autos.
Kippers What makes kippers giddy Why are hot dogs hot And why do fish have fingers I've wondered that a lot. Poached eggs, are they stolen Flapjack, does it panic And is this tripe made up of trash Or something more organic?
Snooker Colour telly snooker Exciting when brand new Watching this in black and white? The pink's behind the blue.
Books A book fell on my head Yes, landed on myself I know that I'm well read But I have to blame my shelf.
Curry The bottom fell out of my world When you left me gutted and rotten So, I went on my own for a curry Then the world fell out of my bottom.
Chillin' Whilst watching I.P.L I had an I.P.A The cricket rather swell The beer was way okay. I.P.L Indian Premier League cricket I.P.A India Pale Ale beer
Opinions Labour faces civil war Corbyn's been suspended One week he's their leader The next, he's been upended. Starmer tries to sort it out This problem with the Jews Jeremy sees it differently In public, airs his views. The fact that he goes public Leaves Starmer with no choice With trouble brewing in their ranks Who'll have the strongest voice. Former Labour party leader Jeremy Corbyn was suspended from the party after a disagreement with new leader Kier Starmer about the way that Labour was dealing with anti-semetism in the party.
Polls America goes to the polls Economy versus the virus Despite all the internet trolls A peaceful result is desirous.
Furlough Tomorrow ends furlough Will I get my job back Or like thousands of others Be given the sack?
Coffee Shall I go to Big Bucks I've money in my jacket But no, their coffee sucks I'll go to Costa Packet
Discount Pam bought a hanging basket Discounted in a minute When she told the garden centre That there was no fuchsia in it.
Terror It's happened again in France This time, a cathedral in Nice What exactly is wrong with some people Why can't we all live in peace?
Vacation They've found water on the moon Might be enough to drink This news could not have come too soon For holidays, I think. No need for social distancing No more Covid 19 I feel so happy, I could sing Somewhere I haven't been. I'll take a bucket and a spade My pint glass for the pub A brolly too for in the shade I hope they serve good grub. I'm all packed up and set to go Need Boris's decree Because the little so and so Has put me in tier three.
A tale of two princes Prince Charles Is isolating At Balmoral With Covid 19. Prince Andrew Is isolating At Windsor With Jennifer, 14. (origin unknown)
Vandalism Grave vandalised Surprise, surprise Of Cilla OBE Though not a saint Why spray with paint It seems bizarre to me. Doddy too What Diddy do He brought us happiness Both rest in peace It's just caprice Some folk are bad, I guess.
Misunderstanding In Covid hit Wales They have limited sales To items considered essential A wife was refused An item that's used By ladies in ways confidential Until a chappy spoke out And cleared up the doubt In a voice that was quite presidential. A woman in Wales was refused sanitary products in her local Tesco's. The welsh government later claimed that this was a misinterpretation of their new Covid rules.
Ambition I read in the papers that Burnley Are getting a striker, that's cool They only paid twenty five million He probably still goes to school.
First encounter I spied her in the cafe Dipping brioche, chocolate chipped She said she was Parisian "Why, that's capital," I quipped.
The election The language is incomprehensible His rhetoric largely dispensable Some of his views indefensible Why can't this man say something sensible?
Old Friends There are holes in my sock And a hole in my shoe They have been round the block And my toes all peek through. I could buy some more But I've got quite attached They were worn to the funeral When my wife was dispatched. Only joking darling...
Funny Habits In Burnley they pour gravy On their cheese and onion pie I only have one question Why, oh why, oh why?
Clocks My clocks went back this morning It's daylight saving time It took two hours to alter them A blooming pantomime. A slight exaggeration, but you get the drift...
Children Children talk of Monsters and Santa Adults engage in Cruel banter. Kids believe In the Easter bunny Grown ups worship The power of money. Children want Sweets, hugs and toys Adults seek Refuge from noise. Anything naughty An adult forbids What adults want mostly They want to be kids.
Tattoo I've thought about one But I'm scared of the pain Will it fade with the sun Or wash off with the rain? A small one to start Nothing too flash Perhaps a love-heart Do I have to pay cash? The tattooist's gun Starts up with a whine My idea of fun? Nope, I've changed my mind.
Orange There's a girl at my school Who's called Lizzy Gorenje Which I think is cool Cos her name rhymes with orange. There is no rhyme for orange But don't tell Lizzie G.
Racism Tell me then, on what basis When you listen his views Is Trump not a racist Or is that his fake news?
Love Dearest darling Lynne You're the tonic in my gin But when you eat, you gobble And when you laugh, you wobble. My one and only Sam I love the way I am But you're an ugly git I've had enough, I quit.
For You Here's a poem for you I wrote it by myself If I hadn't made it up It would still be on the shelf.
Paper The world is using less paper Most of my books are on Kindle This must be a good thing, right As all of our rain-forests dwindle. I don't even use any cash now I pay everything credit card But how do I wipe my bum though This laptop's too rigid, too hard.
If If wheels were square Instead of round Cars would be useless For getting around If schools were round instead of square There'd be no naughty corner And no naughty chair.
The Poet I have realised, when I cark it What will become of my blog Who can I trust with my laptop My buddy, my missus, my dog? So, I'm now looking for an apprentice To train 'ere I finally go Otherwise you will wake up one morning To no more little poems from Hobbo.
Poet Don There's a poet, Don, who lives in Oz Who writes a little blog Which often stars his cat And occasionally his dog. His poetry is funny His wit it bewitches And some of his comments Will leave you in stitches. He should have more follows But he's been overlooked So give Don a try And I bet you'll be hooked. Poet Don lives in Australia, and publishes three or four short posts every day. He's one of the first bloggers I started following on a regular basis because some of his stuff is really funny. I think he should have a lot more followers. Please give him a try and see if you agree. The link is; https://donmatthewspoetry.com (This is an unsolicited personal recommendation)
Home My cosy little home A shelter from the storm Wood burning on the stove My tootsies nice and warm.
Ponder I pondered the meaning of life Gave it some serious thought The answer, the edge of a knife Either beer, or maybe it's, sport.
Granddad Granddad loved his dogs He'd kept them all his life So when he popped his clogs He left one to his wife.
Inspiration Oh, what a caper A clean sheet of paper I need inspiration Shall I try medication? Something ongoing Would set juices flowing Is this writer's curse Or do I call it blank verse?
Politicians Bill and Ben, the flowerpot men Talked rubbish, splobalop When politicians do it then Is it something they can't stop?
Water Water, water everywhere And not a drop to drink I've fallen in the ship canal And my,it don't half stink.
Van Halen When I found out, I cried The news was so shocking Van Halen has died I bet heaven is rocking.
Graham Liver Graham's show On in the morning Makes me laugh And stops me yawning. His surname's Liver As in diver Don't say liver as in river. ...although he does know his onions.
Trump Was Donald genuinely ill Or was it just a stunt? We should accept face value, still We know the man's a ****.
Owain Owain Evans makes me grin With lilting, sing-song vowel His quiffed hairdo, and perfect skin More camp than Baden Powell. He's very entertaining though Attracting interest Through sun and wind and rain and snow And those suits are the best.
Shorts Downtown in Burnley the people wear shorts Perhaps it's a Lancashire thing Baring knees at the first sign of Summer And airing them, through until Spring. Calves that are shapely, knees that are knobbly Legs that could win the Gold Cup Braving arctic conditions, blowing a hooley These things should be kept covered up. In cold or in rain, folk put on their coats Whilst waiting for sunnier skies But even in wellies, they're still wearing shorts Must be something they put in their pies.
Happy Anniversary Married now for fifty year And I still think you're hot So, love is in the air, my dear When you say, "Yes. Why not?
Brexit It's our own fault We chose to exit Talks at a halt A no-deal Brexit?
Hair My hair Thrives everywhere In my ears Up my nose Trim it off Back it grows Bushy eyebrows Very scary Why am I So blooming hairy?
Litter The sight of so much litter Has left me feeling bitter Find a bin for that used mask It's not a lot to ask.
The challenge A beautiful woman named Claire Sent her dad down a wire for a dare Like Castor and Pollux They trussed up his bollocks The height of it gave him a scare. He flew through the air like a plane From Portugal right into Spain She was clearly so proud But he said to the crowd "You won't get me on it again."
Nonsense Crazy Maisie, ticky tocky Oops a daisy, Jabberwocky Easy peasy, squishy squashy Lemon squeezy, wishy washy Steady Eddie, sweet as honey Fiery Freddie, funny bunny Buster Grimes and chilly Willy Nonsense rhymes are just plain silly.
Black lives matter Black lives matter, our latest refrain Praying this time, the phrase will remain Until at last our mindset's been changed Living in peace, no culture estranged. Look at the States, so many have died For trivial stuff, police homicide? The many campaigns, like 'I can't breathe' 'Sandie speaks' and 'Taking the knee.' Black lives matter, but if you adjoint White lives, all lives, you're missing the point Mikey Holding, the sports commentator Eruditely explained what the campaign's for. Hundreds of years racial exclusion Frustration breeds, blacks need inclusion No one's born bad, from parents our views Neighbours and teachers, the six o'clock news. What we need then, good education Learn to be friends, no segregation 'Black lives matter,' really, I get it Let's make changes, let's not forget it.
My Hat Collection Picking hats for my collection My choice has been meticulous I only wear them one at once Or I would look ridiculous. I'll start of with my baseball caps I've collected five of these Two were from sunny Australia Where shade can hit forty degrees. There's a cap from Canada's Bamf Embroidered with proud Maple Leaf Whilst one from our amis in France Has the Eiffel Tower motif. My golfing favourite was purchased At the British Open event Where Darren Clarke beat all the others In sunshine, at Sandwich, in Kent. So cheap is an old knotted hanky It's one that I almost forgot The sun can not get at my head If it's cloudy, I fill it with snot. A real Aussie bush hat from Perth Is just the sartorial ticket And a foldable one from Tasmania Perfect for watching the cricket. My fedora from M and S I sport with an elegant style And wearing my chequered flat cap I look like the Duke of Argyle. In winter the ear flaps come down When cold snow and hail starts to fall But my scary old balaclava I find it the warmest of all.
Friends Simon was famous on Facebook Had hundreds of friends in his life Yet no one he actually spoke to No buddies, no girlfriend, no wife. His success was repeated on Twitter One million followers plus But he came to a violent ending Knocked down by the number nine bus. The money he made from his adverts Was left to his favourite quartet And mum organised a huge funeral For all of his friends on the net. Though no one showed up, not a sausage To see Simon the Superstar off In reality, he was as popular As a man with a bad Covid cough. So, if you are an internet wizard With a wit that's as sharp as a knife Don't forget to engage with real people Get up and get out, get a life.
Cheers The dozens of words and expressions To describe what's a drunken condition Makes me realise, being out of your tree Is a time honoured human condition. Drunk as a soldier, drunk as a sailor Drunk as a Lord, drunk as a skunk Drunk as a fiddler, drunk as a fart Drunk as an owl, just plain drunk. Intoxicated, inebriated Bombed, bladdered, pissed Smashed up, sewed up, tanked up Flushed, tiddly, Brahms and Liszt. Crapulous, maudlin Out of it, befuddled Raddled, addled, primed, screwed Happy, merry, muddled. Boozed, tight, tipsy Obfuscated, fuzzy Three sheets to the wind Gaga, giggly, muzzy. Search a synonym for sober though The well is almost dry A boring state to be in So, "Cheers. Mud in your eye."
Cross Family Butchers At Cross family butchers,our food is nutritious And all of our meat is simply delicious Burgers or sausages, steaks or a joint Give us a try, we won't disappoint. And as for your barbies.what better idea Than out deal of the day washed down with cold beer.
Mates Two right good mates Meet up in a pub They have a great time And eat lots of grub. They drink loads of beer Then, needing a wee They follow each other It's normal, you see. One says to the other "This trough's a bit high." "Mines longer," he said "I'll give it a try." Then he looks across A girl's washing her hands It's a sink, not a trough Fast, he understands. They've gone in the ladies Instead of the gents The lass does not laugh Pays no complements. Both so embarrassed The two stop mid-pee Then zip up their trousers And giggling, they flee.
The Restaurant "My sirloin is tough." "This wine's a bit rough." "It's busy, I know But service is slow." "My soup's almost cold." "This bread's five days old." "Toilets are dirty." "That waiter is shirty." "Has B.O moreover." "Shush, he's coming over." "Ladies! Everything fine?" "Yes thanks. Some more wine!"
Kids I like kids, honestly I went to school with some But I couldn't eat a full one I'd get a poorly tum.
Alcohol Alcohol and me Now that's a complex one Makes me do some stupid things But I've had a lot of fun. The life and soul of parties Singing karaoke Remembering all the gags That's me, Mr Jokey. I've woken in some states Nowhere near my best I've been sick on the streets And woken fully dressed. Things I am ashamed of Which, sober wouldn't do But drink gave me the courage To whisper,"I love you." And you are everything So tell me, in the end Is drink one of my demons Or a very fickle friend.
Powerhouse You'll be a Northern Powerhouse They promised the North West We're now the Covid Capital Does that mean we're the best?
