Mutual Attraction
A dashing young palaeontologist
Fell in love with a skilled campanologist
His bones cast their spell
And she rang his bell
Cue, visit to top gynaecologist.
Photo by Mike on
My wife has bought me two ties
As part of my birthday surprise
I wore one tonight
"Is the other not right?"
She criticised, rolling her eyes.
Photo by The Lazy Artist Gallery on
The Mayor
Andy, the Manchester mayor
Spoke out, to get a fair share
Got very emotive
But what was his motive
Or is that a little unfair?
Photo by Athena on
Rapper by name Titchy Willy
Wrote rhymes which were nothing but silly
His partner got cross
And said, "This is dross
You make this stuff up willy nilly."
Photo by Harrison Haines on
A shivering tiny field-mouse
He wanted to live in a house
I know it's a shame
But the clue's in your name
Said Minnie, his long suffering spouse
Photo by Alexas Fotos on
Peggy had very bad teeth
And no healthy gums underneath
Dentist fantastic
Made a set out of plastic
Which. to her young son, she bequeathed.
Photo by Serena Koi on
The Ant
Tony, a five legged ant
Had to walk to his nest on a slant
Friends bought him a stick
To help him walk quick
And motability gave him a grant.
Photo by Michael Willinger on
This is confusing for me
Am I in tier two or tier three
Will I get into trouble
If I don't have a bubble
Can granny pop round for her tea?
Photo by u015eahin Sezer Dinu00e7er on
The Cat
A senior citizen, Pat
Was given a robotic cat
With hardly a word
When she stroked it, it purred
And the old lady started to chat.

Fancy that...
Photo by Snapwire on
Little Johnny, he needed to go
But teacher refused, she said,"No,
What word starts with a P?"
He said,"You're asking me,
Really miss, you ought to know."

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on
Billy Bighead, a bit of a boaster
Invented the world's largest toaster
One day he fell in it
And in less than a minute
His head was as flat as a coaster.
Photo by Castorly Stock on
Hobbo the poet, has terrible shakes
Probably triggered by all his mistakes
It's still problematic
Whatever he touches, the poor bugger breaks.
Photo by Pixabay on
The boss of a smart ocean liner
Bought only clothes labelled designer
But this two penny toff
Was getting ripped off
His threads were all copies from China.
Photo by Ibrahim Boran on
The Marine
Peter Petite, a marine
Was a muscle bound fighting machine
Till he went to the ballet
With great auntie Sally
And now likes to dress as the queen.
Photo by Brett Sayles on
Sprawled on the couch watching cricket
My team went and lost their last wicket
"Cheer up my dear
I've brought you a beer."
"Why thank you love. That's just the ticket."
Photo by Patrick Case on
The Jury
Tommy, from Thailand, a tourist
Was summoned to court as a jurist
Judge Hullabulloo
Said she'd take ten to two
But unanimous Tom was a purist.
Photo by Subhan Saad on
What an amazing award
They've made Ian Botham a Lord
The Queen said,"Arise."
Then to Beefy's surprise
She hit him for six with her sword.
Photo by Patrick Case on
A financial adviser from Leicester
Was a real gung-ho type of investor
Except with his wife
Who said,"Not on your life
I would rather just leave it to fester."
Photo by Alexander Mils on
Farmer Sue
Farmer Sue Tickle, a giant
On taxes, would not be compliant
They took her to court
And left her with nought
But a battered old Robin Reliant.

Photo by Skitterphoto on

The Greenkeeper
Greenkeeper, E.Moses Grass
Got wed to a proud Yorkshire lass
Extremely God fearing
To help with his shearing
They road on his mower into mass.

Photo by Matthias Zomer on

An amateur baker called Mac
Had a recipe he couldn't crack
He'd salt and he'd sweeten
Add almond and pecan
Then voila, the perfect flapjack.
Photo by Miguel u00c1. Padriu00f1u00e1n on
A serial ladies man, Tony
Claimed an allergy to matrimony
Till a woman called Fi
Sent him weak at the knee
And proved this a load of baloney.
Photo by Alicia Zinn on
A teacher from Burnley named Eddy
Had a job which was all go-aheady
He claimed not to drink
But the kids knew his chink
And nicknamed him unsteady Eddy.
Photo by Startup Stock Photos on

Jurgen Klopp
Jurgen Norbert Klopp
Won the hearts and the minds of the cop
The football was thrilling
His focus was chilling
It's been thirty years, but they're top.
Photo by Tembela Bohle on
I married a woman called Dot
And when I asked,"Why?" she said,"What?"
I think it's her hearing
Which would be endearing
But she says that I am a clot.
Photo by Agung Pandit Wiguna on
The washing machine
Jack owned an old washing machine
For keeping his clothes nice and clean
Then when it broke
He sent for a bloke
And now they are both a 'has been.'
Photo by Gratisography on