Father’s day

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Father's day

The father's day gift
Which gave him a lift,
From his loving and wonderful wife
Was as old as the hills,
A cure for all ills
And proved that the old dog had life.

Things I definitely know about women

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Things I definitely know about women

The end


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Though he followed his diet with rigour,
His backside grew bigger and bigger.
Whatever he ate
He gained enough weight
To fill a whole ballpark with figure.

The Penitent Prince

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The Penitent Prince

I stand in the loud
Jubilee crowd,
Next to a redhead named Harry,
Whose balcony days
Are over, he says;
Choose wisely the person you marry.

Royal Privates

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Royal privates

Some disappoint, so very small;
They are but human after all.
Those on parade, as in the forces,
Are rumoured hung like royal horses.

Female ones are rarely seen,
Particularly, of course, the queen's.
Should you sneak a peak, a waiter
Will pounce, denounce you as a traitor.

Private viewings need consent,
Royal Privates, Royal Assent.
Rest assured, when in the showers
Their naughty bits are much like ours.

A counting rhyme

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A counting rhyme

One toe, two toes,
Baby's new potatoes.

Three toes, four toes,
Scruffy little scarecrows.

Five toes, six toes,
Pretty pink flamingos.

Seven toes, eight toes,
Billy-Bob and Marie-Rose.

Nine toes, ten toes,
Tickle till your nose grows!


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Hairy monkey up a tree
Living wild and swinging free,
Baring bum for all to see,
Cheeky monkey, he he he.


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It's one of my sillier tricks,
Hence the reason I'm getting so pudgy.
Whisky and cider don't mix
And I'm sure that I've swallowed the budgie.

The graceless swan

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The graceless swan

Her paddling technique was a doddle;
A sort of a water-borne waddle
But although her mum loved her to bits,
She'd the grace of a bomb in a blitz.


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King or queen, 
Vicar or tart,
We all have to lean
When we're sitting, to fart.
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