Opinions

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 Opinions 

Opinions 
divide us, 
polarise people.

To raise 
any topic 
contentious or otherwise 
is to divide opinion.
Those for, 
those against. 

Opinion though, 
raises our awareness, 
makes us think, 
outside the box, 
beyond the envelope, 
through the blue sky. 
It makes us human, 
in my opinion. 

The emperor’s new clothes

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The emperor's new clothes

The emperor was sorely vexed,
When all the clothes he'd bought from Next
Were poorly made, in fact, see through,
And subjects saw his didgeridoo.

A relaxing trip

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A relaxing trip

His wife said she needed a spa,
So he drove her to one, in the car.
What a love, what a dear,
But her smiles turned to tears,
When he pulled up outside of the Spar.

Spar:  A UK convenience store chain

Foreign Languages

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Foreign Languages

Baa Lambs and Moo-cows
Gee-gees and Bow-wows,
Brum-brums and Poo-poos,
Quack-quacks and Choo-choos.

Bon-bons and Yum-yums.
Knick-knacks and Tum-tums,
Night-nights and Wee-wees,
You're eighteen! Just talk please!

Medical Advice

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Medical Advice

When Doc prescribed me exercise,
Said, I should take up jogging,
My eyes dilated with surprise,
i thought that he'd said, dogging!

My missus said, he'd gone too far
And called the man, a queer stick.
Last time we did it in my car,
Played havoc with my gear stick!

Brain Food

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Brain Food

Alphabetti
Spaghetti
in your bowels
make vowels!

The gas man’s here!

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The gas man's here!

Gas fitter Dan,
Put a fire in for Anne,
One of his favourite nieces.
The pipe sprung a leak,
Blew them into next week
And now they're both Resting in Pieces.

What was that?

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What was that?

Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust,
Life passes us by
Whilst we're earning our crust.

Charles Dickens’ Sister

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Charles Dickens' Sister

Though Dickens didn't crow it,
His sister was a poet,
And, most loved of her ditties,
Was called, A sale of two titties.

Fickle as a Tickle

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Fickle as a Tickle

We spend
the entire Winter
complaining about
the cold,
the rain,
the sleet,
the snow, the frost and the ice.

Three days
into the Summer,
we're moaning because
it's hot
and sticky,
we can't sleep
and the plants needed watering
twice.
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