Great Expectations

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Great Expectations

We had some Hard Times
reading David Copperfield
but what the Dickens!

My Lucky Day

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My Lucky Day

Barely had a shower,
Was coming down the stairs
An email in my inbox
A man who says his prayers
Overseas is dying
From some horrid disease
Needs to spend his fortune
And God had chosen me!
Bank details were required,
Well, that seemed fair enough
But, before I give them
I got some other stuff.
Text, congratulations
Huge, my lottery win
Amazing, reason I,
I’ve not paid nothing in!
Please confirm bank details
Of course, well would not you?
Then, by Jove, a phone call
The Inland Revenue.
Big tax over-payment
I only had to ring
Payment in a jiffy
Would end my suffering.
Never been so lucky
So many billet-doux
Here are my bank details
Why, help yourself, please do!

The philanderer

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The philanderer

For the price of ten fags and a beer
The sailor had caught gonorrhea
When his wife made advances
He didn't take chances
He told her he'd got diarrhoea.

Moments

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Moments

The moment
that you
are
desperately
trying
to live in
has
already passed.

My sensitive senses

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My sensitive senses

I have five senses
So I'm told
Which function less
As I grow old.

I'm deaf without my
Hearing aids
And use thick specs
As sight degrades.

My taste relies on
My false teeth.
For touch, my skull
has things beneath.

These stop me shaking
Which leaves smell
Best ask my wife
She's sure to tell.

Trading Places

Dauphy: I see you jumped on the green bandwagon again today.

Hobbo: We need to act now. That’s why.

Dauphy: You need to be more dog!

Hobbo: How do you mean?

Dauphy: Do dogs use fossil fuels, manufacture plastic, waste water, use toxic chemicals, start wars or cut down rain forests?

Hobbo: Not to my knowledge, no.

Dauphy; There you are then. Be more dog!

Hobbo: You may have a point.

Dauphy: Enough with being serious. This blog is supposed to cheer people up. Here’s something a bit more light hearted…

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Trading Places

Belly button feeling glum
Seeks more fulfilling role
Agrees to do a swap with bum
Becomes a buttonhole.

Be a Planet Hero

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Be a planet hero

Be cool, a planet hero
Not another, planet jerk
Get carbon down to zero
You can ride that bike to work

Be cool, a planet hero
There is, no real excuse
Get carbon down to zero
Recycle, re-use, reduce.

Be cool, a planet hero
A responsible trustee
Get carbon down to zero
You can plant another tree.

Be cool, a planet hero
Volunteer, give up your time
Get carbon down to zero
Litter pick, clean up that grime.

Be cool, a planet hero
Or you just, may be too late
Get carbon down to zero
Speak out now, and educate.

Be cool, a planet hero
The world’s, a little greener
Get carbon down to zero
Insist, non-toxic cleaner.

Be cool, a planet hero
Not a thoughtless planet geek
Get carbon down to zero
Fix it now, that water leak.

Be cool, a planet hero
Not a, cave like troglodyte
Get carbon down to zero
Turn them off, electric lights.

Be cool, a planet hero
Please don’t be, a planet fool
Get carbon down to zero
Only buy, sustainable.

Be cool, a planet hero
Not a planet scallywag
Get carbon down to zero
And re-use, that shopping bag.

Be cool, a planet hero
Do it, any way, or how
Don’t be, another Nero
We’re on fire, and burning now!

Hair today, gone tomorrow

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Hair today, gone tomorrow

I grew a long beard
Lasted barely a week
The thing interfered
With my snogging technique.

The Greedy Sheep

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The Greedy Sheep

Our sheep was a bit of a glutton
It feasted on Cadbury's buttons
Eats till it pops
Now sold in the shops
As sweeties called chocolate muttons.

And this time tomorrow?

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And this time tomorrow?

We are the infantile guardians
of a four billion year old lady
and how do we respond
to that heavy burden?
Et demain, à cette heure-ci?

We wage war
over her body parts,
fighting for exclusive rights
to this limb, or that torso.
Et demain, à cette heure-ci?

We steal
her most valuable possessions
with no thought
to replace them.
Et demain, à cette heure-ci?

We exterminate
anything lower on the food chain
to the point of
extinction.
Et demain, à cette heure-ci?

We pollute
her arteries and internal organs
with plastic
and industrial waste.
Et demain, à cette heure-ci?

We suffocate her,
filling the air
that she breathes
with noxious gases.
Et demain, à cette heure-ci?

We talk
whilst she weeps
at the abuse
she has suffered.
Et demain, à cette heure-ci?

What will change tomorrow?
Tout ou rien?
Demain,
demain, à cette heure-ci?


Tout ou rien:  All or nothing
Et demain, à cette heure-ci?:  And this time tomorrow?

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