White-Van Man (to Jingle Bells)

Driving like a loon
in a dirty old, white van,
I will get there soon;
trust your white-van man.
Parcels to drop in,
making children smile,
what fun it is for me to bring
your presents in a while, oh!

White-van man, white-van man,
DPD, of course,
Amazon, Deliveroo
or is it Parcel Force. hey!
White-van man, white-van man,
DPD, of course,
Amazon, Deliveroo
or is it Parcel Force.

Now it's Christmas Eve,
got so much to do.
Van would you believe,
runs on reindeer poo.
Need to finish quick,
spread that festive cheer;
snow not yet too thick,
time to grab a beer.

White-van man, white-van man,
DPD, of course,
Amazon, Deliveroo
or is it Parcel Force. hey!
White-van man, white-van man,
DPD, of course,
Amazon, Deliveroo
or is it Parcel Force.

Dear Santa

Dear old Santa,
Let's cut the banter,
I saw you kissing my mum.
So, instead of daft socks,
I want an Xbox,
Or you're in deep trouble old chum.

Speeding

Seven billion parcels
For children, to deliver.
He'll have to get a move on
Or, he'll never finish, ever.

All those tots of whisky
Each time he stops his sleigh;
If you see him, mister traffic cop,
Please look the other way.

Early Christmas

Christmas day in springtime,
The sun lay three feet deep,
When Santa rode in, breathless
Astride a Herdwick sheep.

The reindeers had been poorly,
Excess of mince pies eaten.
Then Santa caught the Covid
But he would not be beaten.

So, although a smidgen early
To have Christmas in Spring,
Let's hope that twenty-twenty-two
A better year will bring.