White Van Man

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White-Van Man (to Jingle Bells)

Driving like a loon
in a dirty old, white van,
I will get there soon;
trust your white-van man.
Parcels to drop in,
making children smile,
what fun it is for me to bring
your presents in a while, oh!

White-van man, white-van man,
DPD, of course,
Amazon, Deliveroo
or is it Parcel Force. hey!
White-van man, white-van man,
DPD, of course,
Amazon, Deliveroo
or is it Parcel Force.

Now it's Christmas Eve,
got so much to do.
Van would you believe,
runs on reindeer poo.
Need to finish quick,
spread that festive cheer;
snow not yet too thick,
time to grab a beer.

White-van man, white-van man,
DPD, of course,
Amazon, Deliveroo
or is it Parcel Force. hey!
White-van man, white-van man,
DPD, of course,
Amazon, Deliveroo
or is it Parcel Force.

Dear Santa

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com
Dear Santa

Dear old Santa,
Let's cut the banter,
I saw you kissing my mum.
So, instead of daft socks,
I want an Xbox,
Or you're in deep trouble old chum.

Speeding

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Speeding

Seven billion parcels
For children, to deliver.
He'll have to get a move on
Or, he'll never finish, ever.

All those tots of whisky
Each time he stops his sleigh;
If you see him, mister traffic cop,
Please look the other way.

Early Christmas

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Early Christmas

Christmas day in springtime,
The sun lay three feet deep,
When Santa rode in, breathless
Astride a Herdwick sheep.

The reindeers had been poorly,
Excess of mince pies eaten.
Then Santa caught the Covid
But he would not be beaten.

So, although a smidgen early
To have Christmas in Spring,
Let's hope that twenty-twenty-two
A better year will bring.

Christmas 2020

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Christmas 2020

It was Christmas Eve at Santa's
And Rudolph had not made the squad
The others, were all out delivering
And he had been left on his tod.

A positive test had floored Rudolph
Suspected of Covid nineteen
The North Pole was too isolated
To get there, with virus vaccine.

The reindeer was sat with his feet up
Toasting his hooves by the fire
His nose getting redder and redder
The flames growing higher and higher.

Suddenly, whoosh, an explosion
Like the big bang, but more loud
Disturbed Rudolph's snooze by the fire
Covering the world in a cloud.

His nose had ignited the fairy dust
Used to make presents for kids
And the cloud which now covered our planet
Was it fatal? No, heaven forbids.

The dust was now targeting Covid
The virus was weakened, then killed
Now we all get to celebrate Christmas
And Rudolph, our hero, is thrilled.

Dauphy: More loud? You’ll have Don’s grammar police on to you!

A Christmas Newsletter

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The Christmas Newsletter

So, if by chance you meet
And concern is in her voice
Our living on the street
Is environmental choice

Chelsea Owen's challenge was to write
an annoying Christmas newsletter 
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