Hozzy

Dauphy: You’re late today buddy!

Hobbo: Been to the hospital.

Dauphy: Nothing serious?

Hobbo: No, not at all. It’s just that tremor in my hands, they’re trying to improve it.

Dauphy: That’s good. Get on with it then. Your readers are waiting!…..

Dauphy writes…

Dauphy writes... 

The dog who ignores 
Having paws, without cause, 
Will get sores on his paws, 
Unless he has claws.

Dauphy’s Scentmark Verse

Dauphy: I’ve written a Scentmark verse for Chelsea Owens.

Hobbo: It was Hallmark Dauphy, not Scentmark.

Dauphy: She won’t mind! Will you ask her for me?

Hobbo: I will…

Dauphy's Scentmark Verse

You are my
eagle in a Beagle
the noir in Malinois
my pug on a rug
the wow in a Chihuahua
the asset in a Basset
the bits in a Spitz
the box in a Boxer
and the no in a Norwich.

You are my whip in a Whippet
the sky in Husky
the oodle in a poodle
the salut in Saluki
the span of a Spaniel
the malt in a Maltese
far greater
than a Dane.

You are
the order in my Border
neater than an Akita
or the box in a Boxer
you are my Labrador
the one that I adore.

Dauphy’s Valentine

Dauphy: Here is the Valentine I wrote for you.

Hobbo: Aww. Thank you!

Dauphy's Valentine

I'm more than just a trophy dog
I'll always be your Dauphy dog
You take me out in every weather
We've even been on swims together
You pick my crap up when I poo
Not something all the others do
You treat me kind and feed me well
You bath me when I start to smell
We walk for hours through the wood
You let me roll about in mud
You give me scraps from off the roast
And let me pee on every post
You put my coat on when it's cold
We both walk slowly now we're old
We have long talks, I don't say much
I use my eyes to keep in touch
You love it when I greet you home
Reward me with a gravy bone
You are the biscuit of my eye
I'll love you till the day I die
One last thing, I wonder whether
We should sniff some butts together!

Hobbo: That’s really sweet Dauphy. Thank you!

Dauphy: Can I have a nap now?

Hobbo: Of course. Just one thing though. The butt sniffing, not a good idea!

Dauphy: Why not? I thought you’d like that.

Hobbo: It’s more of a dog thing…

Dauphy: Fair enough. I’m off for a kip. It made my head hurt writing all that…

V Day

Dauphy: Valentine’s day tomorrow. Have you got me anything?

Hobbo: You know what I think about Valentine’s Day, so no!

Dauphy: Well, I’ve written you a poem.

Hobbo: That’s really sweet of you.

Dauphy: So, you might see your way to some extra treats?

Hobbo: I don’t see why not. I’ve written a sonnet for tomorrow.

Dauphy: For Mrs Hobbo?

Hobbo: Of course.

Dauphy: Hecky thump!

Hobbo: What do you mean?

Dauphy: Don’t you remember what she thought of your last effort at romance?

Hobbo: No.

Dauphy: Well…

Dauphy’s snail poem

Dauphy: Valentines Day on Sunday.

Hobbo: I’ve not got you anything. I’ve told you, it’s a commercial rip off.

Dauphy: What about Mrs Hobbo?

Hobbo: She knows where I stand on the matter.

Dauphy: Not even extra treats?

Hobbo: Wait and see.

Dauphy: I might write you a poem!

Hobbo: That would be nice. I’ll look forward to it.

Dauphy: You look a bit stressed this morning. I’ve written a little ditty to cheer you up.

Hobbo: Take it away…

Dauphy's snail poem

The cute little snail
Leaves snot in his trail
Wherever he goes
So please wipe his nose.

Dauphy: What do you think?

Hobbo: It’s a bit juvenile.

Dauphy: I am a dog remember…

A good night’s sleep

Hobbo: You did it again!

Dauphy: Did what?

Hobbo: Woke me up with an idea!

Dauphy: I thought you’d want to hear it.

Hobbo: I do, but not at three in the morning

Dauphy; Sorry.

Hobbo: No don’t apologise. What was the idea?

Dauphy: I’ve forgotten now!…

Hobbo: Never mind. Not your fault. I’ll start taking a notebook to bed.

Dauphy: Great idea…

A good night's sleep

Search my head
For inspiration
Go to bed
In sheer frustration.

Wake up yawning
Words in ear
Three in morning
Dauphy's idea.

Thanks a lot
Can't it keep
Idea's hot
Now back to sleep!

Dauphy’s Philosophy

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Dauphy: I’ve been thinking!

Hobbo: Hmm….

Dauphy: This philophosy malarkey, I could quite get into that!

Hobbo: Philosophy, I think you mean philosophy!

Dauphy: Yeah, whatever. Anyway, I’ve been doing a bit of philophowhatever myself and

Hobbo: And you’ve thought up a poem?

Dauphy: How did you know that?

Hobbo: Dauphy, how long have we been pals? Give it here, and I’ll type it up…..

Dauphy's Philosophy
(part one, Hobbo suspects)

To train a dog to
sit, you need a dog to train.
To teach a man to
fish, you need a man, a fish
and a flipping good chippy.


Altered Images

Dauphy: I like the new layout.

Hobbo: It’s okay to a point.

Dauphy: What’s up.

Hobbo: I like the new colour scheme, but I was hoping that I could swap the paintings on the home page for dog photos.

Dauphy: But you don’t know how to do that. Do you?

Hobbo: Not a scooby!

Dauphy: You know what they say, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!”

Hobbo: Too late now…

Tykes Talking

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com
Tykes Talking

Gerrit canyer?
Weir?
Sin tin.
Tint.
Tis.
Tin tin tin.
Tis!
Tint!
Tis, sithee.
Reet.
Clart he'ud!

Dauphy: What the heck is this?

Hobbo: It’s two Tykes talking.

Dauphy: Tykes?

Hobbo: Yorkshiremen or women.

Dauphy: In what language? Martian?

Hobbo: English!

Dauphy: Well it’s not any English I know!

Hobbo: It’s Yorkshire dialect. Do you want a translation?

Dauphy: I think you’d better. If I don’t understand it, the readers won’t have a Scooby Doo!

Hobbo: You’d be surprised.

Dauphy: Pfft!

Yorkshiremen Talking

Would you kindly get that for me, young man?
Where is it?
It is in the tin. (usually a biscuit tin)
It is not.
It is.
It is not in the tin.
It is. I assure you!
And I assure you, it isn't!
It is. Look it's here.
Ah. Right. I see where you mean now.
Cloth head! (stupid idiot!)
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