Bathing the dog

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Bathing the dog

You're too muddy, buddy, it's time for a bath.
If you think, in the sink, then you're having a laugh.
Get those paws out of doors, where the hosepipe is waiting.
Yesterday, a delay, now there's no hesitating.
First, wet you through, with the head set to spray,
Then unscrew the shampoo, don't you dare run away!
Rub it in, to the skin, get a nice soapy lather.
Oh, sad eyes, no surprise, I know that you'd rather

Be racing, ball chasing, or searching for food.
Oh dear, what's this here, whilst I'm in the mood.
Pull these manky old cankers, stuck to your bum,
A good rinse will evince, that you're nearly done chum.
Now a couple of supple old towels to dry,
And a push with the brush, get that hair out your eye.
You look sleek as a Greek, oh for goodness sake,
You avenge, get revenge, with a brisk body shake!

Scoop that poop

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Scoop that poop

What a hullabaloo
About picking up poo.
Simply, bag it and bin it,
As soon as you've seen it.
Don't pull that stunt
Of walking in front
Of your dog when it poos,
Pretending it's news.
Claim, you were not aware
That she'd left her mess there.
Pick it up, it's your show,
Fait comme il faut.

Fait comme il faut:  Do what is necessary

Canine Therapy

Canine Therapy 

If your work's in a mess 
And your mind's in a fog, 
If you're feeling depressed, 
Grab a leash, walk the dog. 

If your love life is crap  
And you need a good snog, 
If your boyfriend's got clap, 
Grab a leash, walk the dog. 

If you can't find your prince, 
And you're stuck with a frog, 
If you've lost your blue rinse, 
Grab a leash, walk the dog. 

If you're fed up at home, 
Sick of cleaning the bog, 
You've no teeth in your comb, 
Grab a leash, walk the dog. 

If you want high heeled shoes, 
And you've only one clog, 
When you've got Monday blues, 
Grab a leash, walk the dog. 

You are driving the motor, 
But you're just a small cog, 
Then, stuff that new rota, 
Grab a leash, walk the dog. 

If you married a hunk, 
And he turned out, a hog 
There's no need to get drunk, 
Grab a leash, walk the dog. 

If your drink is cocktail, 
And you're given egg nog, 
Put some wind in your sail, 
Grab a leash, walk the dog. 

So, when nothing seems right 
In your back catalogue, 
Make the world look more bright, 
Grab a leash, walk the dog.

Dauphy’s Scentmark Verse

Dauphy: I’ve written a Scentmark verse for Chelsea Owens.

Hobbo: It was Hallmark Dauphy, not Scentmark.

Dauphy: She won’t mind! Will you ask her for me?

Hobbo: I will…

Dauphy's Scentmark Verse

You are my
eagle in a Beagle
the noir in Malinois
my pug on a rug
the wow in a Chihuahua
the asset in a Basset
the bits in a Spitz
the box in a Boxer
and the no in a Norwich.

You are my whip in a Whippet
the sky in Husky
the oodle in a poodle
the salut in Saluki
the span of a Spaniel
the malt in a Maltese
far greater
than a Dane.

You are
the order in my Border
neater than an Akita
or the box in a Boxer
you are my Labrador
the one that I adore.

Cats

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Cats

Meerkats, queer cats
Kit-Kats and kitty cats
Top Cats, tom cats
Caterpillar, Cheshire cats.

Cat's paw, cat's claw
Cat's cradle, caterwaul
Cat O'Nine- Tails
Cats with nine lives.

Fighting like a
Cat and dog
Who let that cat
out the bag?

Curiosity,
My dogs name.
He'll kill those cats
And take the blame.

Dauphy: I wouldn’t kill a cat. I’m not like that!

Hobbo: It’s just a saying, curiosity killed the cat.

Dauphy: Why?

Hobbo: Dunno.

Dauphy: I’d chase one though. I like chasing cats!

Hobbo: And squirrels

Dauphy: Oh yes, squirrels too!

Hobbo: What would you do if you ever caught one?

Dauphy: I’ve not thought of that. Play with it I suppose…

My Bezzie (by Dauphy)

My Bezzie (by Dauphy)

Bella,
beautiful girl.
My best pal.
We chased squirrels
We chased cats
We chased each other.
Why
did you have to
tear your pad?
Why
wouldn't it heal?
Why
did you leave me?
I miss you
so much!
Hobbo does too
but not
in the same fun loving
stick carrying
butt sniffing
unconditional way
that only a dog
will ever
truly
understand.
Goodbye Bella
save me a place 
in doggy heaven.

Granddad

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Granddad
Granddad loved his dogs
He'd kept them all his life
So when he popped his clogs
He left one to his wife.

Rain

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Rain
Manx, Sphynx, Siamese
Pug, Cairn, Labrador
It's raining cats and dogs.

R.I.P my friends

I’ve been sent a video of my recently departed mate Dauphy playing with me and his pal Bella. It’s only short and I thought I’d share it with you. It gives you a sense of what a great team the three of us made.

Hobbo

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