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E.I.F poetry challenge

The ballad of Adolf and Winnie

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"Winnie," said young Churchill's mother
As they sauntered along by 'canal
"You don't seem right settled at 'arrow
I think what you need's a pen pal."

"There's a boy from a nice Austrian fam'ly
As I'm told that is looking for fame
You're sure to have plenty in common
Adolf 'itler's the little lad's name."

"I don't want a pen pal," sulked Winston
His mouth turning down in a pout
"Besides, I don't speak any German
And he won't know no English or nowt."

"It will better your school education"
Insisted mother, a woman called Jen
"Your CV will look well impressive
When you become a great leader of men."

So Winston began to write Adolf
Of the 'I am well, hope you're well' kind
To which Adolf responded politely
"Yes, I'm tickety-boo you will find."

At first it went all nicey-nicey
They'd write once a month, thereabouts
But as'itler grew up he grew dafter
And Churchill began voicing doubts.

Things worsened between them right sharpish
When Winston became the P.M
His letters to Adolf censorious
Using words that were quick to condemn.

"You can't blame the Jews for your problems
How dare you say, all is their fault?
And as for invading poor Poland
Your armies should grind to a halt."

The Fuhrer were quick to respond though
Not scared to call 'shovel a spade
So Winnie gave him 'V is for vict'ry'
To show 'Germans as we weren't afraid.

The battle swung one way then t'other
As things tend to do in a war
With 'absence of good refereeing
It was hard keeping track of the score.

Dunkirk, Winston claimed was a vict'ry
And 'Battle of Britain an' all
But Adolf 'ad u-boats and Nazis
So really, it was more like two-all.

Churchill demanded surrender
Sick to his teeth of the wars
"If you don't then I'll bring in the allies
And my mates are bigger than yours."

Then up stepped the Yanks with their money
Glenn Miller in 'mood wi' his swing
Big guns, bigger wallets, biggest voices
Nylon stockings 'as made the girls sing.

Their boss were called Eisen 'Ower
Or Ike to his pals, such as Winnie
He insisted on being in charge like
Leaving Winston in iger-nominy.

Thousands of brave men in ships
Were sent off to Normandy, France
Many lost their lives in the fighting
But the allies left nothing to chance.

They sent over food, tanks and soldiers
Who the French ladies met with a cheer
When 'itler saw 'size of this army
He knew he had plenty to fear.

Adolf scurried away from the fighting
And whilst Germany was turned upside down
This coward, who Winston stood up to
Wed his lover and mistress Frau Braun.

'Allies found Adolf's bunker in Berlin
The place were a bit of a mess
Churchill's letters were lying on 'doormat
Stamped, "No longer at this address."

So, if someone suggests you a pen pal
As they're bound to do sooner or later
Be sure to check out their credentials
Don't get stuck with a nasty dictator.


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