A bit of a lump

Little Hitler sat down at 'er desk,
Insisted I 'ad to explain,
So, red as the wrong coloured rose,
I did so in order to gain

Access to see me own doctor,
What took me best part of eight week,
So, by 'time it come round to a visit,
Well, stuff were beginning to leak!

I am finally inside of the surgery,
And 'missus is 'olding me 'and,
She 'ad to come with me for reasons,
You'll pretty much soon understand.

I've discovered a lump, I admitted
It's in an embarrassing place,
So, I thought it would need checking out,
As the magazines say, just in case.

My doctor's the female persuasion,
Protocol says, she needs chaperone,
I don't 'ave any objections,
So, she's straight away onto the phone.

A third woman knocks and then enters,
This started off bad, and gets worse,
Don't worry about me Sir, I'm trained,
And I am a registered nurse.

I jokingly say why not invite
All the receptionist staff.
None of them looked very busy,
Ask them all in, for a laugh!

My trousers reluctantly dropped,
And I'm asked, is that all you've got?
As I turn a deep shade of red,
She explains, she is meaning the spot.

She asks, looking up
From down on her knees,
How did you find this?
Oh, think doctor - please!

She proddles and pushes,
Turns it around,
It's hard looking cool
With your pants on the ground.

Finished, get dressed.
I'll just check me books.
Me and the missus
Exchange worried looks.

She shows me some photos,
Dicks by the dozen,
I swear on my life,
That's the spit of my cousin!

No need to worry,
It's not S.T.D,
Tha's a small fatty lump,
It's got no pedigree.

Wi' a ginormous smile
Spreading ovver me face,
Me and the missus
Dash back to our place.