The philanderer

Photo by samer daboul on
The philanderer

For the price of ten fags and a beer
The sailor had caught gonorrhea
When his wife made advances
He didn't take chances
He told her he'd got diarrhoea.

Life doesn’t get much more exciting!

Photo by Luiz M. Santos on

This was a genuine conversation in the pharmacist’s yesterday. Fortunately there were no other customers. Readers of a delicate disposition need read no further…

Hobbo: Have you anything for hemorrhoids please?

Chemist: Pardon?

Hobbo: (Shouting) Hemorrhoids, have you anything for hemorrhoids?

Chemist: Emma who? I can’t hear you. Can you lower your mask please.

Hobbo: (Does so) Hemorrhoids, piles, have you anything for piles?

Chemist: Oh! You should have said! (indicates articles on shelf) We have these or this.

Hobbo: Those?

Chemist: Suppositories. You put them up your bottom.

Hobbo: Er, I’ll give them a miss thanks. What’s the other.

Chemist: It’s a cream. My mother has piles, and she swears by it!

Hobbo: What does she say? it doesn’t bloody work!

Chemist: She swears it helps her.

Hobbo: Okay, I’ll take some. How much is it?

Chemist: £4.20 for the small one(indicates Lilliputian sized box) or £6.20 for this (indicates box large enough to treat a platoon of hemorrhoid sufferers for the next 10 years).

Hobbo: Better take the large one…

The caring profession

Photo by Wesner Rodrigues on
The caring profession

A woman with problems, Fallopian
Saw a specialist doc, Ethiopian
Eighteen kids later
She sued this creator
For spoiling her life style, Utopian.

You’re having a laugh!

Photo by Nithin PA on

Men are often criticised for not talking openly about their health problems. Well, I had a discussion with a good friend of mine recently about just that. Consequently, he gave me an amazing piece of advice which, in the spirit of openness, I would like to share with our male readers. It is slightly embarrassing, but hey, that’s why we don’t discuss things isn’t it? Ladies of a delicate disposition need read no further, unless they too, have a partner of a certain age who has what can most tactfully be described as a dripping tap problem.

The advice is in rhyme, of course, but it does work. Dauphy is offering a free pack of ‘TENA Men’ pads to the first male reader who claims that it doesn’t.


You're having a laugh!

A problem, I had
I was losing my grip
Visit the toilet
Then, permanent drip,

You're having a laugh!
Come on, don't deny it.
Urologist grinned
Just try it, just try it.

When you are finished
before you re-dress
Reach behind goolies
Between your legs, press.

It works every time
Don't know why, don't know how
And who really cares?
I've got dry undies, now!

Black Clouds

Photo by on
Black Clouds

Woke up.
Didn't want to.
In a foul mood.
Another resolution
Challenged God
to take me.
Didn't work.
Head thumping.
Limbs trembling.
Feel awful.
Don't think so.
More like
Drag myself up.
Walk/crawl to bathroom.
Head bowed.
Let me die.
Please God!
I hate hangovers.


Photo by Dids on
Water on the brain
So the doctor said
"Don't worry," she explained
"A quick tap on the head."

Coronavirus days

Photo by cottonbro on
Coronavirus Days
In happier days
To paraphrase
Folk led a great existence
Now they deep clean
Covid 19
And keep their social distance.

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