Hobbo's Poems
A quirky look at life from a Yorkshire poet and his dog's perspective
The philanderer
Posted on 23rd Feb 2021
The philanderer
For the price of ten fags and a beer
The sailor had caught gonorrhea
When his wife made advances
He didn't take chances
He told her he'd got diarrhoea.
Share this:
Life doesn’t get much more exciting!
Posted on 19th Feb 2021
This was a genuine conversation in the pharmacist’s yesterday. Fortunately there were no other customers. Readers of a delicate disposition need read no further…
Hobbo: Have you anything for hemorrhoids please?
Chemist: Pardon?
Hobbo: (Shouting) Hemorrhoids, have you anything for hemorrhoids?
Chemist: Emma who? I can’t hear you. Can you lower your mask please.
Hobbo: (Does so) Hemorrhoids, piles, have you anything for piles?
Chemist: Oh! You should have said! (indicates articles on shelf) We have these or this.
Hobbo: Those?
Chemist: Suppositories. You put them up your bottom.
Hobbo: Er, I’ll give them a miss thanks. What’s the other.
Chemist: It’s a cream. My mother has piles, and she swears by it!
Hobbo: What does she say? it doesn’t bloody work!
Chemist: She swears it helps her.
Hobbo: Okay, I’ll take some. How much is it?
Chemist: £4.20 for the small one(indicates Lilliputian sized box) or £6.20 for this (indicates box large enough to treat a platoon of hemorrhoid sufferers for the next 10 years).
Hobbo: Better take the large one…
Share this:
The caring profession
Posted on 25th Jan 2021
The caring profession A woman with problems, Fallopian Saw a specialist doc, Ethiopian Eighteen kids later She sued this creator For spoiling her life style, Utopian.
Share this:
You’re having a laugh!
Posted on 24th Jan 2021
Men are often criticised for not talking openly about their health problems. Well, I had a discussion with a good friend of mine recently about just that. Consequently, he gave me an amazing piece of advice which, in the spirit of openness, I would like to share with our male readers. It is slightly embarrassing, but hey, that’s why we don’t discuss things isn’t it? Ladies of a delicate disposition need read no further, unless they too, have a partner of a certain age who has what can most tactfully be described as a dripping tap problem.
The advice is in rhyme, of course, but it does work. Dauphy is offering a free pack of ‘TENA Men’ pads to the first male reader who claims that it doesn’t.
Hobbo
You're having a laugh! A problem, I had I was losing my grip Visit the toilet Then, permanent drip, You're having a laugh! Come on, don't deny it. Urologist grinned Just try it, just try it. When you are finished before you re-dress Reach behind goolies Between your legs, press. It works every time Don't know why, don't know how And who really cares? I've got dry undies, now!
Share this:
Black Clouds
Posted on 1st Jan 2021
Black Clouds Woke up. Didn't want to. In a foul mood. Another resolution wasted. Challenged God to take me. Didn't work. Head thumping. Stomach washer-ing. Limbs trembling. Feel awful. Covid? Don't think so. More like death. Drag myself up. Walk/crawl to bathroom. Head bowed. Let me die. Please God! I hate hangovers.
Share this:
Diagnosis
Posted on 26th Oct 2020
Diagnosis Water on the brain So the doctor said "Don't worry," she explained "A quick tap on the head."
Share this:
Coronavirus days
Posted on 17th Oct 2020
Coronavirus Days In happier days To paraphrase Folk led a great existence Now they deep clean Covid 19 And keep their social distance.
