The philanderer

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The philanderer

For the price of ten fags and a beer
The sailor had caught gonorrhea
When his wife made advances
He didn't take chances
He told her he'd got diarrhoea.

Life doesn’t get much more exciting!

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This was a genuine conversation in the pharmacist’s yesterday. Fortunately there were no other customers. Readers of a delicate disposition need read no further…

Hobbo: Have you anything for hemorrhoids please?

Chemist: Pardon?

Hobbo: (Shouting) Hemorrhoids, have you anything for hemorrhoids?

Chemist: Emma who? I can’t hear you. Can you lower your mask please.

Hobbo: (Does so) Hemorrhoids, piles, have you anything for piles?

Chemist: Oh! You should have said! (indicates articles on shelf) We have these or this.

Hobbo: Those?

Chemist: Suppositories. You put them up your bottom.

Hobbo: Er, I’ll give them a miss thanks. What’s the other.

Chemist: It’s a cream. My mother has piles, and she swears by it!

Hobbo: What does she say? it doesn’t bloody work!

Chemist: She swears it helps her.

Hobbo: Okay, I’ll take some. How much is it?

Chemist: £4.20 for the small one(indicates Lilliputian sized box) or £6.20 for this (indicates box large enough to treat a platoon of hemorrhoid sufferers for the next 10 years).

Hobbo: Better take the large one…

The caring profession

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The caring profession

A woman with problems, Fallopian
Saw a specialist doc, Ethiopian
Eighteen kids later
She sued this creator
For spoiling her life style, Utopian.

You’re having a laugh!

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Men are often criticised for not talking openly about their health problems. Well, I had a discussion with a good friend of mine recently about just that. Consequently, he gave me an amazing piece of advice which, in the spirit of openness, I would like to share with our male readers. It is slightly embarrassing, but hey, that’s why we don’t discuss things isn’t it? Ladies of a delicate disposition need read no further, unless they too, have a partner of a certain age who has what can most tactfully be described as a dripping tap problem.

The advice is in rhyme, of course, but it does work. Dauphy is offering a free pack of ‘TENA Men’ pads to the first male reader who claims that it doesn’t.

Hobbo

You're having a laugh!

A problem, I had
I was losing my grip
Visit the toilet
Then, permanent drip,

You're having a laugh!
Come on, don't deny it.
Urologist grinned
Just try it, just try it.

When you are finished
before you re-dress
Reach behind goolies
Between your legs, press.

It works every time
Don't know why, don't know how
And who really cares?
I've got dry undies, now!

Black Clouds

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Black Clouds

Woke up.
Didn't want to.
In a foul mood.
Another resolution
wasted.
Challenged God
to take me.
Didn't work.
Head thumping.
Stomach
washer-ing.
Limbs trembling.
Feel awful.
Covid?
Don't think so.
More like
death.
Drag myself up.
Walk/crawl to bathroom.
Head bowed.
Let me die.
Please God!
I hate hangovers.

Diagnosis

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Diagnosis
Water on the brain
So the doctor said
"Don't worry," she explained
"A quick tap on the head."

Coronavirus days

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Coronavirus Days
In happier days
To paraphrase
Folk led a great existence
Now they deep clean
Covid 19
And keep their social distance.



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