This is in response to a couple of requests. One was from Chelsea in the US of A, for more tall tales, and the other from Ingrid in Slovenia, for more Yorkshire stuff. Hope you enjoy it. We are more than happy to do other requests!

Dauphy saves the day!

Our Queen, is a popular lady
Who lives, in a glamorous 'ouse
But, before she become rich an' famous
Poor girl were as shy as a mouse.

Mam sent 'er to stay up in Yorksher
Where there's loads of sound people to meet
And English is spoke like it should be
So, 'princess could learn to talk reet.

Tha' might think, am pulling tha' leg like
But am telling thee, this as a fact
Yes, I know now, she gen'lly talks posh
For the public, but that's all an act.

Moving on now, she's stuck in t'old palace
Locked down, at Buck House, in tier ten
The jigsaws had got a tad tedious
And they'd run out of bog roll,again.

So, 'butler were sent for provisions
T'instructions, precise and specific
Get 'soft stuff, not crappy old Izal
What slides round yer bum, it's horrific.

This, being the middle of Winter
T'old butler pulled on 'is warm wellies
And as he were passing 'er windder
She shouted out, get me some smellies.

It were at the main gate he 'it 'problem
The lock were froze solid, wun't shift
Butler scratched 'ead, stood there ditherin'
Cos he new Liz'd give 'im short shrift.

Luckily, passing that day
Were Hobbo and Dauphy, out walking
'Ow can I 'elp thee, asked Dauphy
'Pon my life! Is that Yorksher yer talkin'?

I can't budge yon gate, moaned the butler
'Lock on it's solid, it's froze
I've got an idea said Dauphy
Which I'll tell thee, in rhyme not in prose.

See, as look for some grass around 'ere pal
Well, a' mun as well search for a ghost
And the council are such flippin' cheapskates
That I've given up 'ope of a post.

Consequently, I am a bustin'
And it's too short to tie in a knot
If I pee on yon lock, I've a notion
Our problems are solved, like as not.

'Butler took up the suggestion
So that man and beast both had relief
'Servant went off, and did 'shopping
Brought pies back, two pork and one beef.

'Course the Queen, she were ovver the moon
She'd 'ad to be wipin' wi' Times
'Mail might 'ave been more appropriate
But 'Queen wiped wi' this, cos it rhymes.

Hobbo love, this dog's an 'ero
That Dauphy's looked after us right
Next time it's me birthday, I'll dub thee
In other words,make thee a knight.

Dauphy...Canine British Empire
E'en corgis don't get C.B.E
Dauphy, a little ungrateful
Says, Queen love, it's near time for tea.

So everyone 'ad a reet slap up
Dauphy 'ad well earned 'is snooze
'Butler cracked gin bottle open
Sir Hobbo and 'Queen went on 'booze.




reet; right
tha'; you, your
Izal; a shiny brand of toilet paper
windder; window
wun't; wouldn't
smellies; perfumed products
a' mun:  I might