The little old man

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The little old man

A little old man
Shared his little old house
With a little old dog
And a little old mouse.

He wore little old specs
For his little old eyes,
Dressed in little old suits
Matched with little old ties.

He ate little old scraps
From his little old fridge,
Chewed with little old dentures
On a little old bridge.

Then his little old dog
Took a little old walk
And left little old mouse
For a little old talk.

Asked the little old mouse,
Where is little old wife?
In our little old shed
With a little old knife.

Carving little old dolls
Dressed in little old sacks,
Sticking little old pins
In their little old backs.

Cos her little old ears
Heard some little old goss
About little old me
Loving little old Floss.

Tea, darling?

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Tea. darling?

Strangers who
haven't yet met,
become nearest
and dearest of friends.
Couples take
vows at the altar
unsure where
their own story ends.

You and me
though, we're forever,
till death us do part
we will be;
which with luck
will be sooner, not later,
I've slipped some
strychnine in your tea.

Hobbo’s Philosophy

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Hobbo's Philosophy

I am merely a poet,
So, unless I forego it,
I won't change the world overnight,
But if, as you are giggling
A thought begins niggling,
Then, I might, just have done something right.

Wisdom of age

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Wisdom of age

Young bull and old bull, taking time out to chew,
Spy some cows peering over a wall,
"Let's run over there, and we'll service a few."
"Son, we'll walk, and we'll service them all!"

Foreign Languages

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Foreign Languages

Baa Lambs and Moo-cows
Gee-gees and Bow-wows,
Brum-brums and Poo-poos,
Quack-quacks and Choo-choos.

Bon-bons and Yum-yums.
Knick-knacks and Tum-tums,
Night-nights and Wee-wees,
You're eighteen! Just talk please!

Loss

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Loss

I lost my dear friend, Laura,
Will never see her again,
If I had gone before her,
She'd have caught the right damn train!

A tight fit

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A tight fit

Squeals of delight
Heard through the door,
"Yes, that is tight,
Give it some more."

With sweat on his brow,
He eased the thing in,
All he had to do now,
Make sure it would spin.

"Missus, that's great,
Turn the dial down to thirty,
My plumbing's first rate,
Your clothes won't get dirty."

Mr Greedy

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Mr Greedy

A man with an appetite noted.
To eating weird food was devoted,
An elephant's trunk,
With a side dish of skunk,
He had to admit, left him bloated.

Dauphy: This isn’t funny!

Hobbo: Why?

Dauphy: It’s about eating animals, and elephants are endangered.

Hobbo: It’s only a joke Dauphy!

Dauphy: Well I think it is bad taste.

Hobbo: So is the skunk…

The bee’s knees

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The bee's knees

A bee
bent his knee,
to his beautiful queen.
She said,"Honey,
you're funny
and I'm really quite keen."

So they wed
in a shed
abandoned by Gurkhas.
The rector,
said nectar
could be left to the workers.

Mutual Attraction

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Mutual Attraction

Wes, was the son of a gun,
Annie Oakley, a chip of the block,
He discovered that wood can be fun,
And she proved she could handle his stock.
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