The unwashed diva

Photo by cottonbro on
The unwashed diva

Her figure was fulsome, nay busty,
Her singing voice, wholesome and lusty
But lack of hygiene
For this opera queen
Left an odour both noisome and musty.

Hygiene horror

Photo by PNW Production on
Hygiene horror

Oh my word, those horrid creatures
Bombing us with slime-green pizzas
On the pavements of our cities
Far and wide, it's such a pity
These dirty, unhygienic yobs
Don't keep their spit inside their gobs.


Photo by Kelvin Valerio on

Some scents are delicate,
Others are sweet,
Then there's the alley cat
Who smells like your feet.

The naughty cat

Photo by Just a Couple Photos on
The naughty cat

The naughty cat
Shat on the mat,
Her owner went bananas,
Made him wear
Some underwear
And salmon pink pyjamas.

Wild Swimming

Photo by Harrison Haines on
Wild swimming
It may be only a whim,
But I never swim
In the ocean, or sea
Which are full of fish wee.

Bathing the dog

Photo by 42 North on
Bathing the dog

You're too muddy, buddy, it's time for a bath.
If you think, in the sink, then you're having a laugh.
Get those paws out of doors, where the hosepipe is waiting.
Yesterday, a delay, now there's no hesitating.
First, wet you through, with the head set to spray,
Then unscrew the shampoo, don't you dare run away!
Rub it in, to the skin, get a nice soapy lather.
Oh, sad eyes, no surprise, I know that you'd rather

Be racing, ball chasing, or searching for food.
Oh dear, what's this here, whilst I'm in the mood.
Pull these manky old cankers, stuck to your bum,
A good rinse will evince, that you're nearly done chum.
Now a couple of supple old towels to dry,
And a push with the brush, get that hair out your eye.
You look sleek as a Greek, oh for goodness sake,
You avenge, get revenge, with a brisk body shake!


Photo by Tim Mossholder on

His teeth scrubbed with a bog brush
Which Dave claimed stopped decay
Had turned his teeth bright orange
And kept the girls away.

Bog; UK slang for toilet, bathroom, rest room.
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