Posted on 12th Sep 2021
Love and Marriage I am almost embarrassed to mention, My wife's in receipt of a pension. She was a young girl when I met her, And every day, she gets better and better. If we get to a hundred, of course, I shall abandon all hope of divorce, And if it's a hundred and ten, We might even marry again!
Posted on 16th Apr 2021
Cannibal Hannibal, the cannibal, Was munching on his lunch. He chewed the stew anew when told, His wife gave it the crunch.
Posted on 13th Apr 2021
Mrs Hobbo's Pressie Mrs Hobbo were coming up forty, A delicate age for a girl, When bits of the body head southwards And trimmings begin to unfurl. To say she were touchy about it Would only be tellin' the truth. Hobbo needed to buy, summat special To capture t'old lady's lost youth. His brains, Hobbo racked for a fortneet, What little he 'ad, any road, Till Dauphy Dog come to the rescue, Wi' a perfect idea, a la mode. Sexy lingerie, that were the answer, That's posh talk for knickers and bras. Much better than Hobbo's suggestion Of scotch and a box of cigars. There were only one shop in all Keighley, What 'ad necess'ry clout and finesse, The shop were of course Mark's and Spencer's What customers call M and S. Hobbo, was required to do research, Before he set foot in the store, So, he waited till missus was shoppin' Then rooted round 'knicker-wear drawer. For her knickers, she'd need a size ten And her bras were a thirty six C, But I don't think she'd want that made public, So, we'll keep it, between thee and me. One bright early morning, in Winter Hobbo sneaked 'issen in M and S. He'd never bought undies before this, And were under considerable stress. Furtively looking about 'im, He took from a pile, a wire basket. Being virgin, he needed directions, Being a man, he didn't dare ask it. Finally, in 'knicker department, And gobsmacked that there was so much choice, he made 'is selection, By looking, reluctant to touch. Once he 'ad sussed what he wanted, He bunged it in 'basket, right quick, Walked to checkouts at far side of store, Beginning to feel a bit sick. By now, a long queue started building As he waited to pay for 'is wares, And Hobbo grew redder and redder, Attractin' some giggles and stares. Eventually, red as a beetroot, He made it to front o' the queue, And a glamorous girl on the checkout Began putting 'purchases through. By 'olding each item up caref'lly, She checked all the sizes again, Says,"Some of these knickers are twelves, And some as you've picked, are a ten." Ten is 'right size muttered Hobbo, So she hands all the twelves to her mate, To change at the far side of store, As 'queue behind's getting irate. Full forty yards, top of her voice, Yells, "We don't have the tens in a white. We 'ave got, grey, green or raspberry. Would any of these be alright?" Holding each item aloft, For Hobbo to choose, mortified, He mumbles that any will do, And the queue behind Hobbo all sighed. Luckily folks started laughing, Not Hobbo, he wanted to hide, Though once he were safely back home, He started to see 'funny side. Mrs Hobbo were pleased with her pressie, Expecting, like last year, some socks, But the next time that she 'ad a birthday, She 'ad to make do wi' some chocs.
Posted on 2nd Apr 2021
Royal Marriages I've been married for fourty four years, And I don't go a bothering you. Stay out of the media then, my dears, It's the least little thing you can do.
Posted on 18th Feb 2021
The way You said I do forty four years ago. Sixteen thousand cooked meals prepared by you for me with love. The silent majority were wonderful. A vocal minority beyond delicious. And your truly special platinum collection made my taste buds tango. You didn't find a way to my heart you built a culinary autobahn. Merci ma cherie, je t'aime!
Posted on 23rd Dec 2020
A modern miracle Love is blind Affects the brain Though marriage Restores sight again.
Posted on 18th Dec 2020
The generous bigamist I plighted my troth This was bigamy Bought presents for both That was big o' me.
Posted on 12th Dec 2020
Please think about this one. It works on a few levels.
When the fun stops, stop They gambled responsibly. They got married!
Posted on 21st Nov 2020
Arguments married bliss, silent sulks eye contact avoided thrown pots, cruel words.