Parenthesis

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Parenthesis

A parent of Thesis
Had to have a prosthesis
When he injured his hand with a racket.
Asked, round or square?
He said, "I don't care,
(As long as it's not in a bracket)."

Shopping

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Shopping

Completing my truck stop
I called in the farm shop
And wandered in, just for a browse.
They had no farms I wanted
So feeling undaunted,
I settled for two fatted cows.

Pink Ladies

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Pink Ladies

An apple a day
keeps the doctor away,
puts pippins in your cox
and turns ladies pink,
or so they say.

Sweetheart

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Sweetheart

You were the cherry on my icing,
my sweet and sticky bun
until I was deserted
and now my love, that scone!

An unusual complaint

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An unusual complaint

Complaining of very strong magnetism
The doctor assumed he meant rheumatism
But stuck like a fool
To the seat of her stool
Concluded that this was no solecism.

Solecism: A grammatical mistake in speech or writing

Vinny the vampire

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Vinny the vampire

Vinny the vampire
Suffered a van fire
Collecting his quota of blood.
It caused such a long queue
On the M62
That his name all day long was just mud.

Hunger Pangs

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Hunger Pangs

Lizzie Dripping, skinny-dipping
In the great north sea,
Met a shark, who spied a snack
Of ten-fish-fingered tea.

The stud

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The Stud

When he met his creator,
Thinking 'reincarnator'
Pete asked to come back as a stud.
He felt somewhat let down
Strolling back into town
As a football boot covered in mud.

The fussy seagull

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The fussy seagull

Mrs Gull's daughter
Refused to drink water
Complaining the ocean was salty.
So, selling her jewellery
They moved to a brewery
For drinks that were varied, but malty.

Charlie Spooner’s Whores

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Charlie Spooner's Whores

Harley, flopping the moors
Whilst chewing his doors
Heard his wife, with arms bossing her crust,
Serrating him bay,
"That is not the white ray,
You're just making dashings of lust."
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