Emma

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Emma

Emma Royd's piles
Were driving her wild,
Grapes of Wrath would be perfectly true,
She inserted a plum
To bung up her bum,
And now she's in Catch 22!

Only average

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Only average

Being par for the course,
He went round in par,
So, this golf playing horse
Did not win the car.

Fishy Antics

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Fishy Antics

Catfish kittens
Knit some mittens,
To keep fish fingers cosy,
Whilst giddy kippers
Purchased slippers,
And kept their flat feet toasty.

Rupert

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Rupert

Rupert went nude,
Anytime, anywhere,
This little chap, rude,
Was Rupert the Bare!

No peas, please

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No peas, please

Needing a wee,
The pea weed,
In want of a pee,
The weed peed,
And as for the
Saucy baked bean,
I'm tickled to tell
You, he's been!

Hirsute

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Hirsute

A man with a twenty foot beard
By most furry creatures, was feared
Till six cats and a mouse,
Built a fine little house
In his scalp, which was hairily weird

A novel idea

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A novel idea

Novels are read
Porn movies blue,
Fantasies fed,
And Winnie is Pooh.

Confusing astronomy

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Confusing Astronomy

As the Moon's a balloon,
And the Sun has been spun,
If Saturn's a spoon
And Uranus, your bum.
When Mercury melts,
And Jupiter rocks.
If Venus wears belts
That she stole from Mar's frocks.
As Earth is the third
Little rock from the sun,
Then how have you heard
Which planet I am from.

Best of friends

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Best of friends

Me, and a baritone gnome 
Live in our home, all alone. 
With no water, and no telephone 
We must shower using eau de cologne. 

And once all the perfume has gone, 
He will burst forth and sing me a song, 
He was taught by an ugly duck swan 
Wearing laddered red tights and a thong.

If coal was blue

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If coal was blue

If coal was blue
Instead of black
And ducks went moo
Instead of quack.

If seas were dry
And deserts wet
If pigs could fly
In pirouettes.

If moons were square
Instead of round
And Polar bears
Grew in the ground.

If saints were bad
And cows were pink
I'd think I'd had
Too much to drink.
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