My Hat Collection

A re-post of a poem we posted last year, when we had just started and no one was following us. Requested by the ever supportive John Malone.

Dauphy

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My Hat Collection

Picking hats for my collection
My choice has been meticulous
I only wear them one at once
Or I would look ridiculous.
I'll start of with my baseball caps
I've collected five of these
Two were from sunny Australia
Where shade can hit forty degrees.

There's a cap from Canada's Bamf
Embroidered with proud Maple Leaf
Whilst one from our amis in France
Has the Eiffel Tower motif.
My golfing favourite was purchased
At the British Open event
Where Darren Clarke beat all the others
In sunshine, at Sandwich, in Kent.

So cheap is an old knotted hanky
It's one that I almost forgot
The sun can not get at my head
If it's cloudy, I fill it with snot.
A real Aussie bush hat from Perth
Is just the sartorial ticket
And a foldable one from Tasmania
Perfect for watching the cricket.

My fedora from M and S
I sport with an elegant style
And wearing my chequered flat cap
I look like the Duke of Argyle.
In winter the ear flaps come down
When cold snow and hail starts to fall
But my scary old balaclava
I find is the warmest of all.

Mary’s Lamb

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Mary's Lamb
Mary had another lamb
The doctor got a shock
The lamb was born with pointy ears
It looked like Mister Spock

Lunch

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Lunch
The flames were prolific
The heat was terrific
The words from the kitchen profane
My nice chicken roast
Is burned black as toast
Sunday lunch has been ruined again.

Soup

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Soup
The sparrow cooked her son
Tomato soup for dinner
Although a fussy eater
She knew this was a winner.

Robin though was messy
Although he did his best
he spilled most down his front
And stained his little chest.

The true story of the origin of the Robin Redbreast

Fate

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Fate
A poet, confirmed alcoholic
Combined wit with a pen vitriolic
One day whilst mid smear
Fell into his beer
And drowned in a manner symbolic.

Coffee

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Coffee
Shall I go to Big Bucks
I've money in my jacket
But no, their coffee sucks
I'll go to Costa Packet

A tale of two princes

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A tale of two princes
Prince Charles
Is isolating
At Balmoral
With
Covid 19.

Prince Andrew
Is isolating
At Windsor
With
Jennifer, 14.

(origin unknown)

Mary

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Mary
Mary had a little lamb
Whose father was a randy ram
It came about cos all the sheep
Pretended they were fast asleep.

Diagnosis

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Diagnosis
Water on the brain
So the doctor said
"Don't worry," she explained
"A quick tap on the head."

Black Dog

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The Black Dog
You are the sunshine of my life
You are, you really are
Why does it keep raining then
My little superstar?
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