Posted on 27th Aug 2021
The Big Idea I met a man, who had a plan, a cunning plan to save planet Earth. For what it was worth, the plan was brilliant, resilient, but his wife said, "No! Not on your life," so, he became an M.P, to sell it, you see. The P.M, impressed, said that she would invest, but made it perfectly clear that it was her idea. She said, and I quote, "It will go to the vote." This amazing proposition, was vetoed by the opposition, who prevented a majority by stating, with authority, that they were not on board because the plan was flawed, too expensive, cost too much, labour intensive nonsensuch! What price then our planet? So, rather than it fall at the first fence, which would have made no sense, Parliament, with impunity went to the world community. Leaders, not the bottom feeders, who mulled the idea over, considered it moreover, agreed, there was no hurry, no need for anyone to worry, everything would work out fine, and could someone pass the wine!
Posted on 19th May 2021
The vacuous politician
I'm a little windbag, short and stout,
Hear me bluster, hear me spout.
Soon becomes quite clear that I know nowt,
Got to wait four years to vote me out.
Posted on 24th Mar 2021
Hobbo: I’ve got another Yorkshire Tale for you this morning.
Dauphy: That’s good, I like them.
Hobbo: Your Yorksher is coming on a treat Dauphy.
Dauphy: I practice tha’ knows. It’s not easy wi’ a French accent.
Hobbo: I’ll buy thee a flat cap. That’ll ‘elp.
A bit of a fuss A Yorksher mill town name of Keighley, That's where this little story begins With a young shop assistant called Susan Full name 'at is, Sue Anne Provvins. She couldn't keep up wi' the ding rate When they put the poor lassy on 'tills, Sideways, she moved on to the butchers, To better 'er choppin' up skills. There, she mixed tripe wi' black puddin' In a way that were less than desirous. Before you could say 'Billy No-Mates' Sue Anne was the source of a virus. At first it were swept under 'carpet Her bosses were in-cred-you-luss, When folks started dropping like nine pins, Well, it started a bit of a fuss. 'Train through to Leeds were soon cancelled, Some said, "Stop, tha's goin' too far, 'Ow can I go and see me old granny, It's alright for thee, tha's a car". The newshounds got ho'd of the story, And people were dying in lumps. Said Barnaby Bumble, a spokesman, "It's worse than when Johnny 'ad 'mumps". It quickly spread, all ovver Yorksher, Chaps took to a coverin' their face. In an effort to find who 'ad gorrit, They wrote a new app, 'Back to Base'. The old, and the poorly were shielded, By lockin' them into their 'ouses. Being stoic, because of the war years, They stayed there as quiet as mouses. The Mayoress of Yorksher were summoned, She divided us all into tiers, Some as could do as they wanted, And some as were kicked up their rears. Brains, working all sorts of 'ours, Were tryin' to come up wi' a cure, Then early one morning, Eureka! At nigh on a quarter to four. The guinea pigs they 'ad been feedin' To see what would live and would die, Had e'ten a mixture of gubbins But one, a survivor, ate pie. Strict trials were started, immediate To find which were 'best pie to eat. The one causing least complications, Were found to be taty and meat. Fact'ries ramped up their production, And taties were killed by the score, Five 'undred a week they were makin' But they guessed they were gonna need more. Now Yorksher, it does 'ave its skeptics Some, very 'ard to convince, Many preferred eatin' pasties, And some said, they'd sooner 'ave mince. So, a Positive Pie Eating programme, Which media 'ad dubbed P.P.E, Was rolled out, right ovver Yorksher And now, they are Sue Virus free.
Posted on 18th Mar 2021
Hobbo: Enjoy your snooze Dauphy?
Dauphy: What snooze? I’ve been working. I was watching Prime Minister’s Questions!
Hobbo: If you say so.
Dauphy: I was. I’ve written a poem.
Hobbo: Fire away mate!
With P.M. Boris,
Get more sense
From great aunt Doris.
A Yorkshire farmer.
Hobbo: I take it back. That’s excellent.
Dauphy: Food time?….
Posted on 8th Feb 2021
A cautionary tale In Yorksher they had 'reffy rendrum About whither to go it alone And since most of 'tykes, were all forrit The republic of Yorksher were born. First job, it were finding a boss type Nessy tated all 'ands to the pump They scoured the cobbles of Bradford To find billionairess, Donna Crump. The slogan,'Mek Yorksher great ag'in Was summat they an't 'eard in years And the prospect of more dry stone walling 'Ad grown men, crying into their beers. On 'first day, she signed loads of papers Twelve before going to bed Some of it really important And some, what she even 'ad read. At first it were all hunky dory She built up considerable funds By scrapping the decimal system And printing their own Yorksher punds. Soon, some were beginning to doubt her Too big fer 'er boots, too offhand To establish 'erself as 'world leader She shook, Mayor of Lancashire's 'and. About twelve months 'afore re-election The Black Pudding Plague swept the Dales But Donna were sniffy about it Said it only killed people from Wales. Her supporters were told not to worry And Donna refused to wear 'mask Sadly, thousands who listened to 'lady Were carted away in a casque. Her four years in office passed quickly What with eatin' tinned peaches and such When they put an old man up ag'in her Well, Donna thought that a bit much. The vote were about fifty-fifty Wi' towns going one way, then t'other When it looked like t'old feller 'ad edged it Crump 'ad to ring up 'er big brother. Find me a shed load of voters Don't care who, don't care how And as for the votes fer the old bloke Well they shouldn't count anyhow. The countin' dragged on fer a month T'old feller were given a win But Crump were as stubborn as pigshit Dug 'er heels in, and wouldn't give in. Crump supporters, invaded the town 'all Wi' a noise fit to wekken the queen up They med such a mess wi' their boots on It took 'em all weekend, to clean up. Eventually, sense were restored though And Yorksher came back into 'fold As a warning to future republics Is this little parody told.
Posted on 14th Jan 2021
Modern Politics Tooth Fairy accuses Santa of fraud.
Posted on 4th Nov 2020
Politics aloof, arrogant posturing, proposing, persuading president, challenger, ballot-box, voters dithering, deliberating, deciding unheeded, uncounted electorate.