The helpful pharmacist

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The helpful pharmacist

Lateral flow's
The way to go,
We're wanting you to use them
But pick up's gone,
It's harder son,
We can't have you abuse them!

At a time when UK residents are being encouraged to take more lateral flow tests, you can no longer simply pick them up free of charge from any pharmacy. You now have to pre-order them and obtain a barcode.

It’s my party

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It's my party 
(To It's my party by Lesley Gore)

It's my party and I'll go if I want to
Go if I want to
Go if I want to
You could come too, it will be a good do.

Nobody knows we are having our fun
But Carrie, pour me some wine
Hush now, we don't want a fuss
Mosey on over to mine.

It's my party and I'll go if I want to
Go if I want to
Go if I want to
You could come too, it will be a good do.

Play all my music and dance through the night
The rules are for fools, not for me
Till I catch covid again
I may as well live carefree.

It's my party and I'll go if I want to
Go if I want to
Go if I want to
You could come too, it will be a good do.

Press reporters have walked through the door
Let's pretend we're at work
They will believe anything
Kuenssberg, oh what a berk!

It's my party and I'll go if I want to
Go if I want to
Go if I want to
You could come too, it will be a good do.

Oh, It's my party and I'll go if I want to
Go if I want to
Go if I want to
You could come too, it will be a good do.
It's my party and I'll go if I want to.

Carrie Johnson:  Wife of UK Prime Minister  
Laura Kuenssberg:  UK political reporter  
Berk:  UK slang for normal person

It’s a Djoke

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It's a Djoke 

In a futile attempt
To argue exempt
The tennis star ended in court.
With posturing absurd
The truth went unheard,
And efforts all crumbled to nought.

Doubt

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Doubt

Seeking an answer, definitive,
She boldly split her infinitive;
Do you really love me,
Shrieked out hysterically,
Was hardly the question most sensitive.

Simply Red

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Simply Red

With hair of a flaming red ginger,
By nighttime, this crime fighting ninja,
When catching a crook
Always played by the book,
Could capture, but never would injure.

A government announcement

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A government announcement

This virus has long overrun,
So, we are limiting weddings to one,
It may prove an unpopular course,
But will also cut down on divorce.

The receptionist jobsworth

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The receptionist jobsworth

Urine sample needed
Specimen bottle bought,
Careful bit of pissing,
Urine sample caught.

Took it to the doctors'
Desk staff said,"Not right,"
Refusing to accept it,
"Top should be red, not white!"

The Splits

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The Splits

Should I be going boldly
or do I boldly go?
Splitting my infinitive
could be a fatal blow.

It's difficult to truly
write with realism
when my native tongue is tied
lashed down by dogmatism.

Dauphy: Stick to French Hobbo, it’s much easier.

Hobbo: Easier for you maybe. Perhaps I’ll stick to Yorkshire. What do you think?

Dauphy: Fine! Fine, if you don’t want anyone to understand that is.

Hobbo: Maybe not then.

Dauphy: sotto voice Yorkshire pudding!

Hobbo: I heard that!

Dauphy: Pardon?…

Rules

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Rules
This is confusing for me
Am I in tier two or tier three
Will I get into trouble
If I don't have a bubble
Can granny pop round for her tea?
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