The Rugby Player

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The rugby player
A bleeding nose, a broken foot,
a dislocated thumb,
nothing really serious,
so point me at that scrum.

v the Footballer
He pulled my hair and tugged my shirt,
then broke a fingernail,
get a grip ref, send him off,
I'm feeling rather pale.

Sportswoman

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Sportswoman

When she wittered to me
Too much sport on TV
I told her to stop talking tosh,
So she gained eighteen stone
And now doesn't moan,
Instead, we enjoy playing squash.

Contrasting Styles

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Contrasting Styles


Australia, when they're batting
Accumulate the runs.
England, on the other hand
Are only there for fun.
When it's our turn at the crease,
The runs stay fairly static,
It's the way our wickets tumble
That's really quite dramatic.

The Ashes

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The Ashes

Our Ashes in ashes
As down goes each wicket,
Australia thrashes
My team at test Cricket.

The Tussle

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The Tussle

It's Yorksher curries v Lancashire pies,
A steely fought fight for an annual prize.
A modern day version of War of the Roses
In which winner stands tall and proudly proposes
Undisputedly, claims to their bragging rights
And the chance to sleep sound in their beds at night,
Whilst the losers sob into their beer
And dream of successes next year.
What then, is this mysterious sport
With winners delighted and losers distraught?
A hard combination of skill and sheer force,
Why, rugby league, women's version, of course.

The Super Sub

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The Super Sub

The manager does his finger dance,
whilst sub looks on, bemused, askance,
the boss's words, distorted fuzz,
he'll run around, he always does,
and if he scores, the avid fan
believes it's all some master plan.

A gentle game

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A gentle game

Hot summer haze,
play several days.
Fluffy clouds billow,
leather on willow.
Fifth day it pours,
call it a draw.
Pick up the wickets,
end of the cricket.

Red Card

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Red Card

The card was red,
it had to be,
he broke his leg
in places, three.

The challenge reckless,
no intent,
stupid, feckless,
no harm meant.

Result was clear,
the match was lost,
the lad's career
a heavy cost.

A Good Sport

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A Good Sport

A studious sort,
She had no time for sport,
Or the chaps who showed sporting endeavour,
Till, discovering sex,
She discarded her specs,
And had a great time, whensoever.

The short-sighted cricketer

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The short sighted cricketer

The batsman strolled up to the crease,
Stumbling and peering and prying,
Then took out a handsome glass piece,
And said,"Hang on, I'm getting my eye in."
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