Gastro Pub

Photo by Anna Shvets on
Gastro Pub

The stew of the day
was as thick as they come
and heavy it lay
as it clung to my tum.
Though as it departs,
with pain that's not funny,
in a flurry of farts,
its exit is runny.

Going, going, gone

Photo by Skylar Kang on
Going, going, gone

Squeeze, squeeze, strain,
Botty pain,
Urge to shout,
Let it out.

Food excess,
Ah, success,
Down the pan.

No need fuss,
Squirt, squirt, squirt
Till inert.

Squirt, squirt, squirt
Till inert.
Squirt, squirt, squirt
Till inert.

Squirt, squirt, squirt...


Photo by Karolina Grabowska on

After much straining
We look in the pan,
If there's nothing much there
And think San Fairy Anne.

For, despite our achievements,
It's really absurd
How proud we can be
Of a world-record turd.

San Fairy Anne:  ├ža ne fait rien:  it doesn't matter

The Faithful Servant

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on
The Faithful Servant

The King was squatting on his throne,
Isolated, all alone.
Came a tap upon the door,
The voice of royal servitor.
"I'll wipe your bum sire, when your done."
"No, I can manage, thanks my son."
Fearful knighthood might be missed,
Squeaks the servant, "I insist."
With flourish, fuss and royal caper,
Privy Seal commits to paper.

Privy Seal: An antiquated job/title in the UK
Privy: UK slang for a toilet or lavatory
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