Personal

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Personal

Personal trainers,
an utter no-brainer
for dodging those maddening queues.
If you want to look cool,
well, you'd be a fool
to settle for secondhand shoes.

Looking for trouble

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Looking for trouble

On eBay she purchased pestle and mortar,
Paid significantly more bang than she oughta.
It arrived Parcel Force
Then she realised, of course!
They had sent her a weaponry mortar.

Flatulence

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Flatulence

A windy mare from Windermere,
polluting half the atmosphere,
dismissed from village in disgrace
and banished to a far off place,
chose residential spot which got 'em,
she picked a town called Elslack Bottom!

Britain’s Got Talent

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Britain's Got Talent

A gullible
chiropractor,
tried his luck
on the programme X-Factor.
Describing himself
as a fiddler.
the audience
cut off his diddler!

Sands of time

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Sands of time

She 
saw a 
seashore, 
she's seen it 
before. I saw the 
seashore that she saw 
before.  When I saw the seashore, that she saw 
before,the seashore that she saw, was an eyesore,I saw.

A brief coffee

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A brief coffee

An enterprising chorister
was keen to be a barrister
but lack of true cognition
swiftly stifled her ambition,
so, after talks with sister,
she became a top barista.

King Cnut

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King Cnut

Old King Cnut
was a well handsome brute,
his dyslexia seemed such a shame.
His royal entourage
lost their decolletage,
whenever the man signed his name.

Singing bug

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Singing bug

A fat creepy-crawly,
with a voice that was surely
the world's most beguiling descant,
when her nephew poured praise
with unfitting phrase,
said,"Your uncle's extant, I'm your aunt."

Desserts

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Desserts

She baked me a pud,
deliciously good,
and lovely to have something nice in.
I thought it was rice,
it tasted so nice
but the bastard had given me ricin!

Cookin’ on gas

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Cookin' on gas

The radio is on.
Playing their song,
And he is a whiz with a wok,
Rustling up dishes
For his favourite missus,
He is having a rock round the stock.
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