Brain Food

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Brain Food

Alphabetti
Spaghetti
in your bowels
make vowels!

The gas man’s here!

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The gas man's here!

Gas fitter Dan,
Put a fire in for Anne,
One of his favourite nieces.
The pipe sprung a leak,
Blew them into next week
And now they're both Resting in Pieces.

Charles Dickens’ Sister

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Charles Dickens' Sister

Though Dickens didn't crow it,
His sister was a poet,
And, most loved of her ditties,
Was called, A sale of two titties.

Rizla

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Rizla

She could not keep tabs
upon her new bloke,
Mohammed Rizla,
He liked his smoke.

She said, "I am going,
to have to acheter, 
for you, my dear,
a giant ashtray.

acheter: French verb, to buy

Rupert

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Rupert

Rupert went nude,
Anytime, anywhere,
This little chap, rude,
Was Rupert the Bare!

No peas, please

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No peas, please

Needing a wee,
The pea weed,
In want of a pee,
The weed peed,
And as for the
Saucy baked bean,
I'm tickled to tell
You, he's been!

Insects

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Insects

I expect
that insects
have sex
in sects.

Whilst bees,
I believe,
squeeze,
with their knees!

Sacked

Dauphy: Good morning!

Hobbo: Morning Dauphy, you’ve not been on for a while.

Dauphy: No, I am going into semi-retirement.

Hobbo: Very wise at your age. The readers will miss you though.

Dauphy: I’ve written another for our blog.

Hobbo: Let’s hear it then….

 Sacked  (by Dauphy)

She asked her dog to give her paws, 
He passed her the remote, 
"You fool," she said,"I don't mean pause, 
Get out, go get your coat." 

Jungle Patrol

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Jungle Patrol

Zebras, when they are born
Are only prototypes,
Then they're in the army sworn
So they can earn their stripes.

Time Please

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Time Please

He bought her a clock
Which was sold as a click,
Because, instead of tick-tock,
The thing went tock-tick.
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